Discipline for Smart People    

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey be plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have never a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!

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Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: November 27, 2008: 4:44 pm: By Marvin Marshall

Dr. Alan R. Zimmerman, a fellow member of the National Speakers Association, writes an electronic newsletter and has some thoughts on forgiveness that deserve sharing.

There are times when you’ve been wronged, but the other person neither shows remorse, nor apologizes, nor makes amends.

To help you help yourself, a particular type of forgiveness should be employed. Without it, you become stuck with the hot emotion of bitterness or revenge.

How do you deal at those times when you’ve been wronged? How do you get through the hurt caused by someone else’s thoughtlessness or malicious disregard?

First, accept the fact that LOVE AND PAIN GO TOGETHER. If you love someone or something, you are vulnerable. Love anything and your heart can be broken by it. There’s no such thing as painless love. The closer a person gets to you, the more the person can hurt you (even though, technically, you are allowing yourself to be hurt).

It’s one of the sobering truths in life. Unless and until you accept that fact, you may be riddled with unnecessary resentment and anger.

Second, UNDERSTAND THE NATURE OF FORGIVENESS. It is not about letting the other person off the hook. That person is responsible. Forgiveness is about letting go of the negative feelings that affect you.

Captain Ahab, in Herman Melville’s book, “Moby Dick,” would not forgive. A great white whale permanently injured him, and he spent the rest of his life seeking revenge. It drove him until nothing else mattered except killing the whale that injured him. This hatred cost him his soul and, in the end, his life.

More often than not, refusing to forgive someone will hurt you more than the other person. You become like the rattlesnake that bites itself when it becomes cornered. That is exactly what the harboring of hate and resentment against others is—a biting of oneself. We think that we are harming others by holding onto these negative emotions but the deeper harm is to ourselves.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.

Third, DON’T BROOD. When you’re wronged, when you feel the anger and resentment building up inside you, deal with it as quickly as possible. Don’t think about it a minute longer than necessary. Don’t allow yourself to sulk or indulge in self-pity.

If you continue to ruminate about the situation, you will distort the situation. The situation will grow in your mind, getting bigger and bigger, and you will get more and more upset.

Fourth, ADOPT AN ATTITUDE. A lot of people think they can forgive someone and be done with it. But a truly healthy, mature individual takes an ongoing forgiving approach to life and people. As Martin Luther King, Jr. said so well, “Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude.”

Make sure you understand what Dr. King was saying. Taking a forgiving approach does not mean that you become a passive doormat or a pitiful victim. Dr. King was anything but passive or pitiful. He was a champion.  He was a warrior. And he was wronged over and over again. But he didn’t let the wrongs get in the way of his work or life. Dr. King was seff-disciplined.

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Posted In: Improving Relationships On: November 24, 2008: 8:18 am: By Marvin Marshall

Thanks to John Esposito for allowing me to share the following incident and story to promote self-discipline.

————

Our school has a 25% population of Native American students. I had a 4th grade student in the office for a discipline issue. I work hard to be as noncoercive as possible according to your approach. After discussing the incident and getting to the point of doing the right thing because it’s the right thing to do, I decided to relate the story of Two Wolves. Someone gave it to me and I do not know its origin. It goes like this:

An elder Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me. It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance. It uses self pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

“The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness. It practices benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, faith, and compassion.

“This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.”

They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

To me, the message is one of positivity. Like begets like.

The student listened carefully. Then I asked, “What do you think he meant when he said the wolf that wins is the one you feed?”

She had a little trouble articulating it but definitely got the idea that the wolf who wins does the right thing.

She wrote a very sincere apology to the person she wronged. She drew a picture for her, too. Then she gave a sincere verbal apology. The wronged student clearly appreciated and accepted the apology, smiling and saying, “Thanks,” twice.

I asked the first girl how she thought the other girl felt. She immediately said, “Happy.” Then I asked, “How do you feel?” She said, “Happy.” I said, “You should be proud of yourself.” I left her smiling, too.

————

My Comment: Doing the right thing because it is the right thing to do feels good.

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Posted In: Improving Relationships On: November 21, 2008: 8:27 am: By Marvin Marshall

Although I have visited many museums around the world and have visited impressive libraries such as J.P.Morgan’s private collection in New York City, the New York City Library, and the Library of Congress in Washington, D.C., I was not prepared for the emotional response I had visiting the Long Room at the Library of Trinity College in Dublin, Ireland.

I was in this interesting city to speak at the William Glasser European Conference on the topic, “Using Glasser, Covey, Deming, McGregor, and Maslow to Promote Responsible Behavior and Learning.” The presentation was on my article published in the Fall 2004 issue of the INTERNATIONAL JOURNAL OF REALITY THERAPY. Reality Therapy is the name of the pioneering work by William Glasser. The psychology profession categorizes his approach as cognitive psychology—a type of therapy that is becoming increasingly popular.

Dr. Glasser, a psychiatrist by training, has had a significant impact on education starting with his book, SCHOOLS WITHOUT FAILURE. He took his counseling approach to schools in the form of classroom meetings. A few fundamental characteristics of Dr. Glasser’s approach—which are also a foundation to my discipline and learning system—are:
(1) noncoercion,
(2) taking responsibility for one’s behavior,
(3) focusing on the future—rather than spending time on the past attempting to determine the cause of behavior since the past cannot be changed, and
(4) the critical importance of good relationships.

The Long Room in the Trinity College Library is adjacent to the display of the Book of Kells. The Book of Kells contains a magnificently illuminated Latin manuscript of the four gospels produced by monks on the Island of Iona off the west coast of Scotland and sent to Dublin early in the 8th century when Vikings invaded the island. Trinity College itself was founded by charter of Queen Elizabeth in 1592 to establish a Protestant institution of higher learning in Ireland.

The Long Room runs to 65 metres in length (almost 3/4 of an American football field) with two floors of stacks, each 20 shelves high. No description could do justice to my experience of seeing so many thousands of books, many hundreds of years old. Much of the American heritage has its origin in the souls of these books. Perhaps my study of Irish, Scottish, and English migrations to the U.S. Colonies made this particular visit so meaningful to me. But if you ever visit Dublin, treat yourself to spending time at the University of Dublin’s Trinity College Library.

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Posted In: Promoting Learning On: November 20, 2008: 1:11 pm: By Marvin Marshall

“Building Classroom Discipline” by C.M.Charles is perhaps the most widely used college text in courses preparing prospective teachers for necessary classroom skills, especially in the area of discipline. The Raise Responsibility System was included in the 8th edition. The following comment appears on pages 106-107:

“Marshall’s Raise Responsibility System has major
strengths beyond those found in other systems of
discipline. It makes sense and rings true for teachers.
It focuses on developing responsibility, an enduring
quality that remains useful throughout life. It removes
the stress that students and teachers normally
experience in discipline. It is easy to teach, apply,
and live by. It is long-lasting because it leads to
changes in personality. Educators find these strengths
especially compelling, hence, the surge of interest in
Marshall’s model.”

In preparation for the 9th edition, Dr. Charles contacted me for any changes I would like to make. In my remarks clarifying the Raise Responsibility System, I included the following—appended to Dr. Charles’ remarks:

Marshall notes two commonly raised questions and one
technical question that are appropriate at this point:

(1)  Although some teachers initially think that students
will get confused with D, B, C, A levels since many
schools use A, B, C, and D for grading, experience has shown that
even very young students understand the context of levels
of social development and are not confused. Context determines
meaning, such as when to use “to, “two,” or “too.”

(2) As the term “discipline” seems harsh to some, so
some people initially resist the vocabulary terms of
“anarchy” and “bullying.” However, students have no
difficulty with these terms nor do parents when the
entire Raise Responsibility System is explained to them.

3) The technical question: On a rare occasion someone
will state that anarchy is the highest form of
government, not the lowest. Without realizing it, the
person is referring to “anarchism,” not anarchy. Anarchy
means chaos, lack of order, and without rule (a = lack
of, archy = rule). Anarchism is a theory that all forms
of government interfere unjustly with individual liberty
and should be replaced by the voluntary association of
cooperative groups.

Marshall makes clear that the hierarchy does not teach
either anarchy or bullying—quite the contrary. The
hierarchy explains that when anarchy and chaos exist,
someone or some group will take control and make the
rules for all others.

He contends that this is how societies operated before
1776 when the American Declaration of Independence
articulated a new world view, viz., “We hold these truths
to be self-evident . . . . That to secure these rights,
governments are instituted among men, deriving their just
powers FROM THE CONSENT OF THE GOVERNED.” Before this
concept became operational and spread around the world
after the American Revolution and the creation of the
United States of America, societies were granted their
rights from the person who held power.

This is the concept behind level B. Once parents
understand that anarchy and bossing/bullying/bothering
levels are unacceptable, they become supporters and
particularly appreciate teaching the differences between
external and internal motivation, levels C and D,
respectively.

Marshall used the following letter when he developed and
used the system as a classroom teacher:

Dear Parent(s) or Guardian(s):

Our classroom houses a small society. Each student is a
citizen who acts in accordance with expected standards
of behavior.

With this in mind, rewards are not given for expected
behavior—just as society does not give rewards for
behaving properly. Also, irresponsible behavior is
seen as an opportunity for growth, rather than for
punishment.

Our approach encourages students to exercise
self-discipline through reflection and self-evaluation.
Students learn to control their own behavior, rather
than always relying on the teacher for control.

We want our classroom to be encouraging and conducive
to learning at all times. In this way, young people
develop positive attitudes and behavioral skills that
are so necessary for successful lives.

Sincerely,

Teacher

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Posted In: Discipline without Stress On: November 18, 2008: 10:37 am: By Marvin Marshall

In the following article I refer to the idea that most things in life are understood in their context. The following statements may help make my point—and offers examples showing that English is not the easiest second language to learn.

1)  The bandage was wound around the wound.
2)  The farm was used to produce produce.
3)  The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4)  We must polish the Polish furniture.
5)  He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6)  The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7)  Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8)  A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9)  When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

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Posted In: Promoting Learning On: November 17, 2008: 8:43 am: By Marvin Marshall

It is a hard fact but a true one: We can outgrow friendships just like we outgrow shoes. Understanding this concept can significantly help young people who have a strong desire to want to be like others and want to feel that they are their friend’s “best friend.” It is often “painful” for young people to see their “best friend” associate more with others than with themselves.

Some good advice for young people (and for older ones, too) is to find new interests, make new friends, and find fun things to do. By being your own best friend, you will always have one friend on whom you can rely. Learning to like yourself—HAVING A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF—is one of the most important bits of wisdom anyone can learn. It is also the first principle to follow for promoting self-discipline.

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Posted In: Improving Relationships On: November 13, 2008: 12:00 pm: By Marvin Marshall

A poster I had in my classroom to promote self-discipline:

“I would rather try and fail than not try and succeed.”

If you instill the PERCEPTION THAT SUCCESS IS ATTAINABLE, people will try. If they do not believe success is possible, regardless of how easy the task or how smart the person, the goal will not be attained.

One of the most enduring comments people say about others who have influenced their lives is, “He/she believed in me.”

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Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: November 11, 2008: 8:21 am: By Marvin Marshall

Schools use detention for discipline in an attempt to promote responsible behavior. The premise is that punishment redirects irresponsibility. (I wish I would think that the rationale is not for retribution.)

When giving public seminars, I would often ask how many of the attendees were in schools that had detention. Most attendees raised their hands. I then asked how many found that very often the same students were serving detention. Inevitably, the same hands were again raised. I then would comment, “Doesn’t that say something about the ineffectiveness of detention?”

Perhaps the best paragraph I have read on the issue is from LouAnne Johnson in her book, “The Queen of Education.”

Using detention as a catchall cure for student
misbehaviors is like using one medicine for every
physical ailment. We would not expect a single
prescription medication to cure a cold, flu, broken
bone, ulcer, headache, heart attack, and cancer—
yet we expect one punishment to address tardiness,
aggression, bullying, emotional illness, inattention,
fear, anger, laziness, excessive talking, defiance,
childness exuberance, alcoholism, daydreaming,
forgetfulness, profanity, truancy, immaturity, drug
abuse, cheating, lying, stealing, and extortion among
schoolchildren. (page 65)

I believe that one can say with great confidence that detention does not serve its intended purpose. Implementing “Guided Choices”—the third phase of the Raise Responsibility System—by ELICITING a procedure or consequence from young people to help themselves become more responsible is a simple, common sense approach.  One wonders why, in the 21st century, schools are still resorting to such counterproductive approaches such as detention!

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Posted In: Promoting Responsibility On: November 5, 2008: 8:47 am: By Marvin Marshall

In the epilogue of my book on discipline and learning, I quote the comic character Dagwood Bumstead when I refer to using a business model for education. His quote: “You know that makes a lot of sense if you don’t think about it.”

The United States is operating under a federal “mandate” entitled, “No Child Left Behind.” The essence of the legislation is to blame schools for their poor performance and uses a negative approach with schools that do not meet the mandate’s requirements. Rather than going into the details of why the legislation is doomed to inevitable collapse, I share with you the famous “Red Bead Experiment” used by W. Edwards Deming. This management guru was the man who introduced quality in the workplace.

To give you an indication of Dr. Deming’s approach, ask yourself if you own any product manufactured by a Japanese company. If you were to choose one adjective that indicates why you do, the word, “quality,” immediately pops up. Some may remember how Japanese products were labeled before World War II. Adjectives such as “cheap” and “shoddy” were apt describers. Today, the highest award given in Japanese manufacturing is the Deming Award. A fundamental approach of Deming was to EMPOWER those involved in any endeavor.

The lack of empowerment and the negative consequences if a school doesn’t ‘measure up are two fundamental defects in the federal legislation.

Dr. Deming used a little experiment to show how the system itself—rather than the people working within it—was the major cause of problems. Here is how Deming conducted his experiment to make his point in his seminars.

Ten attendees are picked and assigned jobs by Deming. Six are what he called willing workers, one was a chief inspector, two were regular inspectors, and one was a recorder.

Deming explained that the company had received orders to make white beads. Unfortunately, the raw materials used in production contained a certain number of defects, or “red beads.”

Both the white and red beads were in a plastic container. The six willing workers were given a paddle with 50 indentations in it and were told to dip the paddle into the container, shake it, and pull it out with each indentation filled with a bead. Then the workers were instructed to take the paddle to the first inspector who counted the red beads or “defects.” The second inspector did the same, and the chief inspector checked their tally, which the recorder then recorded.

A worker who drew out a paddle with 15 red beads received a merit raise.

In the next round, the worker who had six red beads drew out eight, and the worker with 15 drew out 10 .

Deming played the role of the misguided manager who thought he understood what had happened. The worker who received the merit raise was getting sloppy; the raise went to his head. Meanwhile, the worker on probation had been frightened into performing better.

And so it continued—a cycle of reward and punishment in which management failed to understand that defects are built into the system and that workers have very little to do with it.

No one suggests that the public school system has no room for improvement or that schools should not be accountable. But, as Dr. Deming would point out, the system (read legislation) would be much more successful if it were to take  a POSITIVE approach of EMPOWERING—rather than its current negative approach of engendering a climate where superior teachers are leaving education and third grade students are developing anxiety attacks.

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Posted In: Promoting Learning On: November 4, 2008: 8:39 am: By Marvin Marshall