Discipline for Smart People    

People of all ages have an innate desire to feel included. This is especially important to remember for those who work with youth who have a compelling feeling to be accepted.

Even when the person is different from others, when the young person FEELS INCLUDED, the natural human desire to belong is met. Without that necessary feeling, everything else takes a subservient role and its effectiveness is significantly diminished.

Printer Friendly Version
Posted In: Improving Relationships On: August 20, 2008: 7:31 am: By Marvin Marshall

If we think that life is growth and that we should strive to grow—not only intellectually but emotionally as well—we accept comments by others (oftentimes called criticism) as being in our own best interest.

Accepting such comments with a positive spirit depends on two criteria: (1) we trust the person and understand that what the person is sharing with us is in our own best interests and (2) the comments are specific to the situation. Certain terms are avoided, such as ALWAYS, as in, “You always….” or you NEVER, as in, “You never….”

Think of a physician giving you a diagnosis. You don’t react negatively. You accept it because you have faith that what the physician is sharing with you is in your own best interest and you know that the purpose is to help you, not hurt you.

To give you another example, can you list any of your idiosyncrasies? If you are like I am, you would be hard pressed to do so. But ask anyone who sees you on a regular basis, and that person would have no problem listing one, two, or three.

Of course, accepting any suggestion for improvement is a choice. But I find that listening to someone else’s perspective is often in my best interest.

Printer Friendly Version
Posted In: Improving Relationships On: August 11, 2008: 7:26 am: By Marvin Marshall

Here is a simple but highly effective idea to improve relationships:

Periodically ask yourself, “Am I a joy to be around?”

Printer Friendly Version
Posted In: Improving Relationships On: July 10, 2008: 7:52 am: By Marvin Marshall

If you ask yourself how you know someone cares for you, one of your responses is likely to be that you know because the person listens to you.

Ask a husband about a good wife, and he is likely to say that he knows his wife cares for him because she listens to what he has to say. Ask a wife about a good husband, and she’ll respond that he listens to her.

When the parent says, “It’s about time you started listening to me,” the youngster may be thinking, “It’s about time you started listening to me.”

Even if we are saying something that is not really worth listening to, we still want someone to listen to us.

Ask a person in a poor relationship why the person feels that way, and the person will say that the other person “doesn’t care about me.” Ask, “How do you know?” and more often then not the response will be, “He doesn’t listen to me.”

Caring and listening are prime sources of good relationships. They are so intertwined that if you experience one, you also experience the other.

More information on this and similar topics are available at the newsletter index.

Printer Friendly Version
Posted In: Improving Relationships On: June 17, 2008: 7:50 pm: By Marvin Marshall

Make it your habit not to be critical about small things in other people.

More ideas on this topic are available at http://www.marvinmarshall.com.

Printer Friendly Version
Posted In: Improving Relationships On: June 4, 2008: 7:38 am: By Marvin Marshall

Saying, “I’m sorry,” or “I was wrong and you were right,” or “I screwed up” requires a certain amount of security and maturity. Such statements, said in sincerity, are very difficult for some people of the male gender to say. Yet, no other phrase (s) can do more to improve relationships.

When we do not admit an error or a mistake, in a sense, it is a striving for perfection. In the book (pages 150-152) I refer to perfectionism as a burden that no human should ever carry.

More information on this topic is available at http://www.marvinmarshall.com.

Printer Friendly Version
Posted In: Improving Relationships On: May 26, 2008: 10:49 am: By Marvin Marshall

Have a discussion and perhaps a writing exercise on the following comment by the poet Maya Angelou:

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

More information on this topic is available at http://www.marvinmarshall.com.

Printer Friendly Version
Posted In: Improving Relationships On: May 9, 2008: 7:36 am: By Marvin Marshall

People don’t buy from someone they don’t like—at least not in the long run.

In a sense, leaders, teachers, and parents all market.

Leaders market vision and empowerment, teachers market information, and parents market their role-modeling.

Every so often, it pays to reflect on whether you are marketing yourself as you desire.

More information on this topic is available at http://www.marvinmarshall.com.

Printer Friendly Version
Posted In: Improving Relationships On: May 8, 2008: 7:37 am: By Marvin Marshall

I purchased a mobile phone that has a place for an opening message. I inserted, “smile.” Now each time I open my cell phone, I see that message.

A smile is a small gesture with a powerful impact. In American culture, we’ve come to expect people to smile when we meet them.

The late pianist/comedian Victor Borge put it another way when he described a smile as “the shortest distance between two people.” Greeting someone with a warm smile is the best way to introduce yourself, and it sets the stage beautifully for any discussion that follows.

Check your smile in the mirror. As you step toward it—before you see yourself—smile. Then look at yourself. Is it really a happy smile or a forced smile? Are your eyes smiling? That’s the test of a real smile.

Greeting others with a smile is the easiest approach to start anything with a positive note.

More information on this topic is available at http://www.marvinmarshall.com.

Printer Friendly Version
Posted In: Improving Relationships On: April 29, 2008: 7:22 am: By Marvin Marshall

Using the word, “not,”rather than the word, “no,” such as “Not now” or “Not this
time” prompts fewer negative feelings than the hearing the absoluteness of “No!”

I received the following e-mail, which reminded me how creative and independent even very young people can be.

“You reminded my of a time when my son, Adam, was two. Every thing was No, No, No! My husband had just had it with him and said, ‘Adam, don’t you say No to me again; I’ve had enough, young man.’ Adam looked at him, full of steam and said, ‘NO’!

“I couldn’t help but start laughing. You are right. ‘Not’ doesn’t have the same effect as ‘No.’”

Thanks for bringing that back to mind.

(Note: I wonder who modeled “No” in the first place!)

More information on this topic is available at http://www.marvinmarshall.com.

Printer Friendly Version
Posted In: Improving Relationships On: April 17, 2008: 8:07 am: By Marvin Marshall