Discipline for Smart People    

Dad, can I speak to you about something?” asked Tom.

“Let me guess. You want to borrow the car?” his dad joked.

“No, it’s nothing like that. It’s about Jim and something that happened at school today.”

“Isn’t Jim that kid on the track team with you?”

“Yeah.”

“You two are pretty good friends, aren’t you?”

“Well, that’s what I want to talk to you about. You see, there’s another guy on the team named Eric who got into a fight with Jim after practice. I tried to break it up, but the coach pulled all three of us aside. I told the coach that I was only trying to keep the peace, but then I defended Jim.”

Suddenly Tom was quiet.

“Okay, so what happened next?” prompted his dad.

“I found out later from some other guys on the team that Jim has been bullying Eric for a long time and that today Eric just snapped. They told me about all kinds of rotten things Jim had done when I wasn’t around. Dad, I feel like such a jerk for sticking up for him. I feel like I don’t even know who he is.”

“Well, don’t be so hard on yourself. We all make mistakes. Yours was sticking up for someone without knowing all the facts.”

“You can say that again,” said Tom.

“But the real lesson here has more to do with friendship than anything else,” said Tom’s dad.

“It does?”

“Absolutely. It would be easy to walk away. But friends don’t let each other down. You’ve got to tell Jim that you are disappointed in him.”

“I doubt that he’ll care,” mumbled Tom.

“I disagree,” said his dad. “Jim wanted you to see only the good side of him and that’s why you never knew about the bullying. Since he wants your approval, let him know that you expect more from him. If you do that, he’ll come to expect more from himself. And once that happens, he’ll change and be the kind of friend you won’t mind sticking up for.”

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Posted In: Promoting Responsibility On: June 26, 2008: 11:35 am: By Marvin Marshall

Until the 1960’s, school books were replete with vocabulary words like integrity, industry, work, diligence, perseverance, self-reliance, self-examination, honesty, character, and responsibility. There was a glorification of hard work and an emphasis on education and self-discipline.

Assuming that textbooks have an influence on curriculum and instruction and that they, therefore, have an effect on children’s behavior and character, perhaps it is time to re-examine the contents of our school books as well as the vocabulary we use.

In his classic book, “1984,” George Orwell demonstrated the power of words with the example of the term “freedom.” If there were no such term, how would the concept be imagined, envisioned, and communicated? When we use the word in conversations with the young, we teach this concept of freedom and the values the word represents.

As an aside, this is the reason that the hierarchy of the Raise Responsibility System uses “anarchy,” “bossing/bullying” (both unacceptable levels), and “cooperation/conformity,” (external motivation) and “democracy” (internal motivation) as the vocabulary. Democracy and responsibility are inseparable and responsibility is the foundational characteristic in any character education approach.

Regularly using vocabulary that represents the values we wish to teach would be so much more effective than so many “popular” character education programs of external approaches catching them doing something good.

I am a graduate of Hollywood High School in Hollywood, California. I recall walking daily by the school’s marquee and reading “ACHIEVE THE HONORABLE.” I recently drove by the school and was truly disappointed that the motto was no longer posted. It, too, had gone the way of missed opportunities to foster character development.

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Posted In: Promoting Responsibility On: June 13, 2008: 1:21 pm: By Marvin Marshall

Kerry Weisner, the writer of Discipline Answers, notes that the only thing that she has often seen schools do with the Virtue Project that would not fit with the Discipline Without Stress approach is rewarding students for displaying various virtues—in other words, using the old “catch them being good” behaviour modification ploy.

As an example, I have noticed many schools offer raffle tickets to students who display kindness during “Kindness Month” or who are helpful during “Helpfulness Month,” thereby unwittingly encouraging operation on Level C. To me, it seems that such schools are missing out on a wonderful opportunity to help young people become aware of the benefits of operating on the highest level of all—Level D—the level at which a person feels intrinsically satisfied, simply as a natural result of having offered genuine kindness or help to others.

The levels referred to are explained at the link to the hierarchy.

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Posted In: Promoting Responsibility On: June 12, 2008: 2:04 pm: By Marvin Marshall

I had the honor of presenting the keynote at the International Character Education Conference in the newly dedicated Joan Kroc Institute for Peace and Justice at the University of San Diego.

I shared with the attendees some Principles of Effective Character Education as I quoted from the CHARACTER EDUCATION PARTNERSHIP:

Schools, ESPECIALLY IN THEIR APPROACH TO DISCIPLINE, SHOULD STRIVE TO DEVELOP INTRINSIC COMMITMENT TO CORE VALUES. They should MINIMIZE RELIANCE ON EXTRINSIC REWARDS and punishments that direct students’ attention away from the real reasons to behave responsibly: the rights and needs of self and others.

More information on this topic is at the character education link.

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Posted In: Promoting Responsibility On: June 11, 2008: 7:38 am: By Marvin Marshall

Dear Marv,

Hello from Benchmark School in Phoenix, AZ.

My name is Wendy Brady and you spoke at our school. I wanted to drop you a quick note about a compliment our 4th grade students received.

We recently had a guest speaker come to visit our 4th grade. He was Wyatt Earp and he performed a monologue on Wyatt Earp’s life and experiences.

After the performance, which took about one hour, Wyatt commented that in the past 3 years he had not come across a group of better-behaved school children. (He travels the world doing this show.) He was shocked at how well the students listened—no interruptions, respectful, etc. He told the teachers that he really enjoyed the experience because of the children.

I passed along the comments to the students. They were thrilled with themselves. One student even commented that the best feeling was that a teacher didn’t even remind them what the expectations were; they just did it on their own. “We did it because it was the right thing to do. This man gave us his time, and we should be respectful.”

I felt so good about the situation. It was nice to see 62 4th graders act at level D.

Very exciting!

Thanks for everything,

Wendy Brady

More ideas on this topic are available at the testimonials link.

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Posted In: Promoting Responsibility On: June 9, 2008: 7:48 am: By Marvin Marshall

When dealing with others—regardless of age—here is an interesting question to ponder regarding behavior:

“If everyone did it, what would happen?”

More reflective questions are available at http://www.marvinmarshall.com.

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Posted In: Promoting Responsibility On: June 2, 2008: 7:27 am: By Marvin Marshall

I received the following in a recent e-mail:

“I am a principal of an educational program in a juvenile detention facility in Pittsburgh. I have read your book six times and I continue to learn more each time I read it. I also bought 15 copies for teachers to read. Your newsletters are also a great reminder of how to work positively with students.

“Last year, I started a Choices program for those students with challenging behaviors. After developing the philosophy and procedures of the program, our program contracted with a behavioral specialist to be in charge of the Choices Room.

“In the school, we use four levels of expectations that are color coded. Students are taught the expectations and it is reviewed every Monday with the teachers. Students that choose not to participate in the school program by not adhering to the expectations are assigned to the Choices Room. The school has a Dean of Students who works with students to help them succeed in school. However, if the student continues to ignore the expectations, the Dean will then assign the student to the Choices room.

“In the Choices room, the student works with the behavioral specialist with some academics but mostly in a reflection of their behaviors. The student is responsible to acknowledge their behaviors, reflect on their behaviors and develop a plan before they can reenter the school program. It is all about helping the student make appropriate choices and helping students become successful. This program has been great!”

Joe Lachowicz, Principal
Shuman Center Education Program
(Used and included with permission)

More testimonials like this are at  http://www.marvinmarshall.com.

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Posted In: Promoting Responsibility On: May 13, 2008: 7:21 am: By Marvin Marshall

The following is from a mailring post at the mailring by Kerry Weisner of British Columbia who partners as a primary teacher and also teaches at-risk high school students. Although the post is in reference to Kerry’s primary classroom, THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE MESSAGE IS APPLICABLE AT ALL GRADE LEVELS AND TO YOUTH OF ALL AGES. (The post is slightly edited for conciseness.)
———-
“We recently had a problem. A change in the school schedule led to a situation where our students had much less adult supervision at noon hour eating time than had been customary. Many students began to misbehave. We were really angry. Our first reaction was to jump to eliciting consequences. In giving it more thought though, we realized that WE’D BE MORE IN LINE WITH THE PROGRAM IF WE GOT RID OF OUR OLD-FASHIONED PUNISHMENT MINDSET (disguised as imposing logical or natural consequences) and instead created some PROCEDURES TO TEACH.

“Although we’ve always realized that it’s proactive to teach classroom procedures and aim at structuring the classroom (as opposed to controlling the kids), we now see that discipline problems can be handled positively, yet effectively, in the same way—by setting up procedures. IT TOOK US MANY YEARS TO RID OURSELVES OF THE REWARDS MINDSET. Perhaps how we handled this recent experience is an indication that WE’RE MOVING BEYOND THE PUNISHMENT MINDSET, TOO! It’s a peaceful feeling!

“We looked at how we could be more positive (Part II A of the teaching model) and how we might motivate the kids to WANT to be better behaved at eating time. We got them to reflect on their misbehaviour and the impact that their choices were having on their relationship with Eileen, our grand motherly noon hour supervisor whom they all dearly love. (Bless her heart! She told the kids that the situation was now at a point where she would have to give them a big hint when they were off-track in their behaviour: When she addressed an individual by the last name ‘Miss Smith’ or ‘MasterJones’—rather than by their first name—they should take it as a sign that she wasn’t very pleased with their behaviour.)

“Although these discussions and a realization that Eileen, to whom they are very attached, was disappointed with their behaviour brought most of the kids back into line, we still had a few who continued to misbehave. Once again, we decided to rethink our strategy and so stepped back to Part I of the teaching model to deal with what was the real root of the problem: WE HAD NEVER REALLY TAUGHT ANY ‘EATING-TIME PROCEDURES’ IN THE FIRST PLACE!

“Setting procedures and practicing them (at least 8 times) until they become routine, is the TEACHER’S responsibility! IMMEDIATELY OUR MINDSET CHANGED—FROM BLAMING THE KIDS AND FROM FEELING ANGRY WITH THEM—TO TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE PROBLEM OURSELVES. Once we had correctly analyzed the situation, it was easy to know what to do. We had to create some eating-time procedures, teach them, and then practice them religiously. Our anger and our belief that imposed consequences were necessary in the situation evaporated—so did our stress!

“Of course, the only downside to creating new procedures part way through the year is that infinitely more practice time is required to master them than would be needed to master them in September. According to Harry Wong, the guru of classroom management, 28 practice times are required to replace ineffective procedures with new ones. (Note: Dr. Wong attributes the number 28 to Madeline Hunter.)

“In other words, since the kids had each developed their OWN eating-time procedures (wandering as they ate, getting into trouble, etc.), we would have to provide 20 practice times of OUR new procedures to ‘erase’ the memory of their ingrained individual procedures—and THEN we would need the 8 more practice times required to teach any new procedure! A tall order but what other choice is there once you’ve neglected to teach the correct procedures the first time around?

“So in the end, here’s what we did:

“We made a poster outlining the main procedures that we expected the kids to follow when they came in after playtime to eat. We used short sentences/phrases that they read independently and made the chart look attractive and colorful with a graphic found on the Internet. We displayed it prominently on the front board.

“LUNCH TIME PROCEDURES:

1. Change shoes. (Kids have both indoor and outdoor shoes/boots in our climate.)

2. Use the washroom.

3. Eat at desk and KEEP all garbage and recycling trash.

4. When finished eating (Here was an opportunity to include some choice), read from the desk book bag or draw in Doodle Book.

5. AT THE BELL, clean up.

6. Return to desk.

“We took 15 minutes of lesson time to read and teach the list of procedures on the first day that we introduced it, explaining to the kids that we needed some clear procedures at eating time because it was obvious from the recent problems that we’d been having when the adults weren’t in the room that not everyone understood what was expected of them during eating time. Since then, every day we quickly review the chart just before the kids go out to play at lunch and Eileen also reviews it when the kids sit down to eat. Slowly but surely, we are working up to those 28 repetitions necessary to replace old procedures with new ones and behaviour has improved significantly.

“ONE INTERESTING EXPERIENCE I HAD WHEN DOING THE INITIAL TEACHING WAS WITH ONE OF OUR STUDENTS WHO WAS THE MOST POORLY BEHAVED AT LUNCH—THE ONE WHO WAS MOST OFTEN OUT OF HIS SEAT AND INVOLVED IN MISCHIEF. After teaching Procedure #3, I questioned him about what a person should do with a juice box once they had finished drinking all the juice. He replied ‘Put it in the recycling box at the sink.’ I said that we’d better read #3 again, which we did and I asked him the same question again—to which he gave me the SAME reply, ‘Put it in the recycling box at the sink.’ I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT! It took two more readings of Procedure #3 before it finally registered in this child’s mind and he could answer correctly, ‘Keep it at the desk.’

“THIS LITTLE INTERACTION SHOWED ME THAT THERE ARE SURELY QUITE A FEW KIDS WHO DON’T INTENTIONALLY MEAN TO MISBEHAVE BUT DO SO BECAUSE THEY TRULY HAVEN’T LEARNED WHAT THE TEACHER EXPECTS THEM TO DO. In the future, I WON’T BE SO QUICK TO FORM THE OPINION THAT CERTAIN STUDENTS ARE MISBEHAVING WITH THE DELIBERATE INTENTION TO BE BAD or to ‘get me’!

“Next year, we’ll begin by teaching eating-time procedures right off the bat in September—whether we seem to need them or not. Since we’ll be teaching them proactively—and not as a REACTION to a problem—we may be able to teach procedures that are less restrictive and give more opportunity for the development of SELF-discipline. Our procedures may eventually evolve over the course of the year to look more like the following:

“LUNCH TIME PROCEDURES:

1. Change shoes.

2. Use the washroom.

3. Eat at desk.

4. When finished eating (TO OFFER THREE CHOICES):
–Read a book, or
–Draw on some scrap paper, or
–Do a game/puzzle on the carpet

5. AT THE BELL, clean up.

6. Return to desk.

“We’re much happier with the way we’ve handled our noon hour problems this year. Although to some people unfamiliar with a noncoercive and non-punitive approach to discipline, it might look as if the kids got away with something and in fact were even rewarded with a fancy doodle book, we feel differently. We know that our students will be better able to develop true self-control when we show them step-by-step how to go about it, and we also now understand that retaining a positive relationship with our students is key and will make for fewer discipline difficulties in the future.”

More information on this topic is available at http://www.marvinmarshall.com.

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Posted In: Promoting Responsibility On: May 6, 2008: 1:29 pm: By Marvin Marshall

Positivity (conscious optimism) prmotes responsibility.

This positive attitude begins between the ears.

The most important thing people can control is their state of mind. A state of mind is something that one can control. It can be created.

Thinking and acting responsibly—or irresponsibly—begins, therefore, with how a person shapes one’s own thoughts.

As leaders, teachers, and parents, we have an oligation to help young people shape and control their thoughts. We can do this by painting positive pictures that empower. Sometimes a simple word can make the difference as in, “You have to go to school today” vs. “You get to go to school today.”

Since how we think induces how we feel, negative thoughts have a tendency to blame, complain, and avoid responsibility. In contrast, positive thoughts empower and prompt an increased tendency to become more responsible.

More information on this topic is available at http://www.marvinmarshall.com.

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Posted In: Promoting Responsibility On: April 15, 2008: 7:40 am: By Marvin Marshall

I have never been a fan of the self-esteem movement because I have always thought that a person’s self-esteem comes from one’s own self-talk. This self-talk emanates primarily from a person’s nature and experiences, rather than from some external agent(s). I have never bought into the idea that people who bully or who do not do well academically in school have low self-esteem. I have personally known people who bully and have high self-esteem, and I have known people who have done very well academically but who have low self-esteem.

The “SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN MIND” (volume 16, number 4) contains an interesting article entitled, “EXPLODING THE SELF-ESTEEM MYTH,” with the subtitle: “BOOSTING PEOPLE’S SENSE OF SELF-WORTH HAS BECOME A NATIONAL PREOCCUPATION. YET SURPRISINGLY, RESEARCH SHOWS THAT SUCH EFFORTS DO LITTLE TO IMPROVE ACADEMIC PERFORMANCE OR PREVENT TROUBLESOME BEHAVIOR.”

One study cited eludes to responsibility as a prime factor in self-esteem:

“. . .students who take responsibility for their grades not only get better grades but they also learn that they, personally, can control the grades they get.

“In fact, in one study researchers had students write down what went through their minds when they were trying to get better grades. Students who improved with each test were thinking:
I need to work harder.
I can learn this material if I apply myself.
I can control what happens to me in this class.
I have what it takes to do this.

“Students who did not improve were thinking:
It’s not my fault
This test was too hard.
I’m not good at this.”

The authors conclude the article by stating:

“We have found little to indicate that indiscriminately promoting self-esteem in today’s children or adults, just for being themselves, offers society any compensatory benefits beyond the seductive pleasure it brings to those engaged in the exercise.”

More information on this topic is available at http://www.marvinmarshall.com.

The study reinforces the opening paragraph of the book, DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS, PUNISHMENTS OR REWARDS, of which the first few sentences are:

“Life is a conversation. Interestingly, the most influential person we talk with all day is ourself, and what we tell oursel has a direct bearing on our behavior, our performance, and our influence on others. In fact, a good case can be made that our self-talk creates our reality.” (page 1)

May your self-talk be of positivity; of consistently prompting the realization that you can always choose your response to any situation, stimulation, or urge; and may your reflection bring you gratefulness. Implementing these will increase your self-esteem.

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Posted In: Promoting Responsibility On: April 4, 2008: 12:32 pm: By Marvin Marshall