Discipline for Smart People    

At a conference of the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development (ASCD), a high school principal commented to me as he pointed to hundreds of exhibits of books, technology, and teaching materials around the vast exhibit hall, “None of these address the first and most critical component of classroom teaching: CONNECTING!”
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Gordon Neufeld, a Vancouver, Canada based clinical psychologist directly addresses this concept. He speaks about attachment and its necessity for young people to feel attached until they are able to function independently.

Since attachment facilitates dependence, I prefer to use the term “connectedness.”

Dr. Neufeld cites an interesting procedure many teachers and parents use with young people. It’s called “time-out.” He makes the point that this approach sends the message that separation is a more effective teacher than relationships.

Separation is the most wounding of all relationships. Dr. Neufeld refers to separation as being insidious because it is subtle in its harmful effects.

Dr. Neufeld states that oftentimes, if time-out is necessary, it is the adult who needs it because the adult is the one who is bothered or angry.

He suggests using discipline that does not divide or separate. Keeping connected is a foundational characteristic of DisciplineWithoutStress.

More information on this topic is available at http://www.marvinmarshall.com.

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Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: May 23, 2008: 8:36 am: By Marvin Marshall

A student teacher at Humboldt State University in Northern California asked me at a conference to sign her book and to please include “WWMMD.” I obliged and then asked her what “WWMMD” meant. She told me that whenever her college instructor—Mary Lynn Bryan, a National Board Certified Teacher— gives a scenario about a school situation, she has the students respond by first asking
themselves ,”WWMMD?”

Translation: What Would Marvin Marshall Do?

I was rather taken aback. After reflecting on the possible efficacy of the phrase, I thought to ask our daughter about it. She is a social worker who counsels teenagers and is also certified by the William Glasser Institute in Reality Therapy and Choice Theory. I asked,

“Hillary, if you were working with one of your challenging clients and wanted to use Dr. Glasser’s approach, would the phrase, ‘What would William Glasser do?’ prompt you to reflect upon his approach to guide you in the situation?”

She responded with an enthusiastic, “Yes!”

I also asked Kerry Weisner (whose blog is at DisciplineAnswers.com) her opinion of the phrase. To my surprise, I discovered that she had already used it.

Kerry wrote me:

“I have used that myself! Just as you said, I found it brought me back to the three principles of positivity, choice and reflection and allowed me to know exactly what to do. I think it is a helpful thing for people to think about because newcomers often are overwhelmed with all the information in the book—especially if the concept of noncoercion is new to them.

“I found that it was like ‘widening the gap’ between the stimulus and the response. By asking myself WWMMD?, I was able to stop the typical automatic reactions and PAUSE. In the pause, I had something productive to think about (the three principles) and that led me to come up with something more effective.

“I think that the more I work with Discipline Without Stress the more I fall back on the principles to guide me. If you can truly maintain a positive outlook, offer real choices in a pleasant way and get the student to reflect, there’s not usually much need to be going the route of what we think of as traditional discipline strategies—consequences. Our work at the alternate school has been a crash course in this. You quickly learn how to be positive and noncoercive with people who will swear at you and leave the school, not returning for days if you pressure them in any slight way.

“Come to think of it, I have used this same strategy in my regular teaching, too. My partner, Darlene, is so creative that whenever I want to think of a creative teaching idea, I just ask myself, ‘What would Darlene do with this lesson?’ It works!

“Here’s an example. Every year we have a developmental writing test in our district. The whole district writes about a particular topic. There’s a different topic for primary, intermediate, middle school, etc. The district suggests that the kids spend several days getting ready for this test by recording and brainstorming and webbing and organizing their ideas on paper.

“At our Grade One level, we find that having them WRITE their ideas is actually counterproductive because they get tired of the whole thing before the big day. For them the process of actually writing is exhausting! Instead we find that the more we have the kids TALK about the topic before they write, the more enthusiastic they are and the better they write. So last year I wanted to think of a way to get them really talking.

“In a previous year I had tried to get the parents involved by asking them to talk with their child about the topic at home, but that backfired. The parents, realizing that this was leading up to the ‘big test,’ panicked. Instead of simply talking with their kids as I had asked them to do, some had their kids practice writing at home. When the day of the writing test came, the kids were ‘written out’ and so didn’t do very well. All their work was quite stilted.

“So last year, I said to myself WWDarleneD? (What Would Darlene Do?) Immediately, I came up with a great idea. I had the kids make microphones out of toilet paper rolls and then I gave them each a little cardboard clipboard with a little pencil attached. I also had them each make an official PRESS BADGE. They became newspaper reporters.

“I gave them a list of questions they might ask other kids and then they could take turns reporting on the answers. They loved being reporters; they loved the microphones and speaking into them. Kids who never would usually say much loved speaking into a pretend microphone. It was fun. I’ve never seen so much on-task conversation happening in the room about a writing topic! The next day when they went to write, they already knew what they wanted to say because they’d had so many interviews about the topic. I never would have come up with that idea on my own without first asking WWDD?”

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So, in all humility, I pass the suggestion on to you. The next time you are facing a challenging situation, consider pausing and asking yourself, “WWMMD?” The response will always refer to the practices described at The Discipline Without Stress Teaching Model.

More information is available at http://www.marvinmarshall.com.

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Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: May 5, 2008: 8:41 am: By Marvin Marshall

One of the fundamental truths I remember from my graduate studies in economics is the concept of opportunity costs. This means there is a cost to everything—be it in monetary terms, in time, in relationships—really in anything.

The Nobel Laureate, Milton Freedman, summarized economics with the same idea: “There is no such thing as a free lunch.”

Here is a challenge. For the next week, ask yourself the following question before taking any action: “WHAT PRICE WILL I BE PAYING?”

Situations can include:
Going to bed late
Going to bed early

Arising late
Arising early

Watching TV
Reading a book

Eating that second piece of pie
Not tempting the taste by not eating the first piece

Demanding something
Asking for something

Ignoring my mate or child when entering a room
Smiling when someone enters the room

The benefit of reflecting on the question, “WHAT PRICE WILL I BE PAYING?” is that you will have a tendency to perform that which is in your best interests.

Basically, this amounts to the fact that you have the freedom to pay the price. Just become aware of the price you are paying.

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Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: April 28, 2008: 7:50 am: By Marvin Marshall

An 80-year-old woman was unable to find a cab to take her home. She walked into a pizza parlor and said, “I’d like to order a pepperoni pizza delivered…and I’d like to go with it.”

People say about the aging process that it critical to retain our humor as we grow older. The reason is that, as we grow, our character traits become more ingrained. In fact, they become even more pronounced. A sweet person becomes sweeter. A disagreeable person becomes a real crank in old age.

Therefore, the attitudes and traits we are planting now will take root and become rigid habits later in life. So it’s important to make a commitment to live a daily life of good cheer, optimism, and gratitude. Whatever choices that are made today may serve us well later in life.

Plant happy seeds and enjoy today—and many, many tomorrows.

More information on this topic is available at http://www.marvinmarshall.com.

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Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: April 25, 2008: 7:52 am: By Marvin Marshall

Recently during my flight to present “How to Deal with Difficult Students,” an airline attendant asked me if my name was Marvin Marshall.

Since I was not wearing a name tag, I inquired of Janet (not her real name) how she knew who I was. She whispered to me that she is leaving the airline industry to enter teaching. She said that she is reading my book for the SECOND time before lending the book to her sister who is having a challenging time with her two children.

I inquired how she found out about the book. She said that one of her professors at the university she is attending mentioned that the book was one of his favorites. She bought “Discipline without Stress” because she thought it would be the most beneficial.

Reading a book a second time reminds me of an old story that exemplifies the point I am going to make.

Two woodcutters were engaged in a four-hour woodcutting contest. They cut wood in front of each other and an audience of eager onlookers. One woodcutter took a 10-minute break each hour while the other did not stop. At the end of the competition, the woodcutter who took the breaks had cut much more wood. The other woodcutter was shocked. “How could this be?” he asked. The other woodcutter replied, “Maybe it’s because I sharpened my axe each hour.”

Stephen Covey’s seventh habit of highly successful people is, “Sharpen the Saw.” It means refresh. In this case it refers to revisiting what you have already learned. Because, as the axe gets dull with use, the human mind cannot remember all that it learned. Just as the brain and the body require sleep, so does learning need to be refreshed.

Have you ever seen a motion picture more than once? Didn’t you pick up something on the second viewing that you did not notice or remember from your first viewing. Didn’t the whole become clearer after revisiting the various scenes?

Have you ever read a book twice—expanding your learning the second time?

Whenever I listen to an audiocassette or a compact disk that is worth hearing, I inevitably listen to it a second time. This practice reinforces what I have learned. Oftentimes, I pick up points that I didn’t fully retain during the first listening.

Janet is not the first person who told me she has read the book more than once. It’s simply impossible to grasp, remember, and implement all the strategies in one reading.

Sharpening the saw is surely a habit of highly successful people.

More information on this topic is available at http://www.marvinmarshall.com.

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Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: April 24, 2008: 8:36 am: By Marvin Marshall

Remove barriers to achieve goals—rather than pressure people to achieve them.

When leaders are not happy with people who report to them, there is a tendency to add pressure.

Instead of adding pressure, a more successful approach is to ask what are the barriers that are keeping people from doing their best.

We may not be able to remove government and other imposed barriers. However, we can inquire what is within our control that may be hampering others from doing their best.

Leaders, teachers, and parents can use the same approach with young people by asking, “What can I can do to remove barriers preventing you from doing your best?

More information on this topic is available at http://www.marvinmarshall.com.

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Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: April 16, 2008: 11:59 am: By Marvin Marshall

A friend of ours had surgery and expressed her concern about the procedure—even though it was a minor one.

My wife counseled her with the following message:

“When I was pregnant, I never worried about the baby. I simply remembered my mother’s self-talk when she was pregnant: I will only think beautiful thoughts so that I will have a beautiful baby.”

If you have trouble creating self-talk that enhances your life, here is another approach: Redirect or detour your thinking onto another subject.

Do this each time you begin to worry or are creating negative self-talk about yourself or others.

More information on this topic is available at http://www.marvinmarshall.com.

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Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: April 7, 2008: 12:56 pm: By Marvin Marshall

When travelling to South Africa with a group of school administrators, I personally experienced the power of how our thinking controls our feelings.

I was chosen as one of two among 35 delegates to make a presentation. Due to various stories of lost and poor handling of luggage in Johannesburg, the group was discouraged from checking in any suitcases. It was suggested to travel only with carry-on luggage. This meant that I could bring a minimum of handouts. The one I chose was my teaching model.

After my presentation, an administrator told me that it was unprofessional to attempt to sell my program.

My website is loaded with information, all of which is FREE—with the exception of my book, posters, and cards. My monthly newsletter is free, and I grant permission for anyone to use and even duplicate anything from my websites, including all of my articles. I have even started a nonprofit public charitable organization to help low economic schools receive free books, free staff development packages and, depending on geography, free staff training. See www.disciplinewithoutstress.org. How could this man think the way he did—that I was trying to make a profit by selling?

I was so startled that I actually became depressed for the next two hours. Finally, I think I hit upon what prompted his comment to me. For whatever reason, many educators believe that education should not be a “for profit” endeavor and/or people do not like to be sold to. My intent was to share with South African educators a teaching model that could assist them with two of their major problems—inappropriate behavior and motivating students. Yet, in this man’s thinking, I was “selling” my program.

When I thought about this, my self-talk became, “In a sense, I was selling my program. The vast majority of my efforts in the last number of years has been devoted to helping improve teachers’ joy in the classroom and students’ learning how to behave more responsibly and become more motivated to learn. Yes, I was selling my approach of teaching and learning—EVEN THOUGH IT’S ALL FREE!”

As soon as this thought entered my mind, I could actually feel my body change. THIS THINKING CHANGED MY FEELINGS. I immediately felt empowered, and my spirits dramatically rose. I had just undergone a very personal experience demonstrating how one’s self-talk creates one’s reality—right out of the first paragraph in my book.

More information on this topic is available at http://www.marvinmarshall.com.

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Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: March 23, 2008: 9:44 am: By Marvin Marshall

After presenting in Adelaide, Australia (a lovely and very enjoyable city), I went shopping with my wife. Fortunately, as you will read, I forgot to bring a book.

While waiting for my wife, I spotted a bookstore and purchased a copy of Dale Carnegie’s “HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE.” Originally published in 1936, the book went on to become one of the best-selling books of all time and made Carnegie an international celebrity.

His book was used as the text in my first college speech course, and because it had been years since I first read it, I decided to re-read it.

Carnegie had a gift for expressing profound truths in simple but profound ways. A perfect example is his “SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU”:

Principle 1. Become genuinely interested in other people.

Principle 2. Smile.

Principle 3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

NOTE: It is critical, however, to find and call the person the name that the person WANTS to be called. Oswald hates his name but loves “Ozzie.” Mel feels the same way about Melvin. Mortimer wants to be called “Mort.” Barbara prefers “Barb.” Patricia prefers “Pat.”

POINT: ALWAYS start by asking the name that the person WANTS to be called; if you don’t—even with your best of intentions—you may alienate, rather than create a positive relationship.

Principle 4. Be a good listener, and encourage others to talk about themselves.

Principle 5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.

Principle 6. Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely.

Carnegie believed that you could make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.

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Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: February 25, 2008: 9:50 am: By Marvin Marshall

VERBAL messages are only one means of communicating.

MOVEMENT is another. For example, choose one place in your classroom where you will stand when you plan to admonish the class. (The same procedure works in the home, too.)

Before saying anything, wait until you move to that one specific location. Young people are very perceptive. When you start walking to that pre-selected location, the class will immediately settle down. Reason: They antipcate what’s coming.

GESTURES are another means of communication. An example was posted at
DisciplineWithoutStress@yahoogroups.com:

I introduce the Hierarchy of Social Development using charts I made downloaded from the web:
Primary Poster and posters.

I demonstrate the “picking up trash” example from the book. My students seem to get the idea right away. I mention that levels ABOVE the line are “THUMBS UP” BEHAVIORS, and levels BELOW the line are “THUMBS DOWN” BEHAVIORS.

I don’t go into detail about the levels after that. When a student is behaving inappropriately, I point to the chart and quietly whisper, “Is that on a thumbs up or thumbs down level?” When they answer, I say, “How can you get it to be thumbs up?”

Now all I have to do is point to the chart and say nothing. The inappropriate behavior is usually immediately abandoned.

More information on this topic is available at http://www.marvinmarshall.com.

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Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: February 21, 2008: 9:18 am: By Marvin Marshall