Discipline for Smart People    

Darlene Collinson in British Columbia related to me a success story that we should all remember.

Her 81-year-old mother was in the hospital and needed to participate in physical therapy before she could be released. The nurses, physical therapists, and physicians were not successful in convincing the patient to engage in the physical therapy.

After hearing of this, Darlene asked her mother, “What do you want?”

Her mother replied, “I want to go home.”

Darlene simply inquired, “What do you need to do to make that happen?”

Her mother replied, “Do my physical therapy,” which she started to do in order to accomplish her objective.

As skillful influencers know, the art of influence is to influence the person to influence herself.

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Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: August 19, 2008: 7:27 am: By Marvin Marshall

Positive people are happy people. Happy people are pleasant to be around. Being around people you enjoy improves your own disposition and desire to put forth effort.

Being positive should not be confused with satisfaction. Telling someone to be satisfied makes little sense to me. For example, after a presentation I ask myself, “What did I do that was good?” and “What can I improve?”

We always have the opportunity to learn and grow. If we were satisfied, we would never grow. It is the feelings that emanate from growth that bring satisfaction, joy, and happiness.

If you wish to become more effective, unload the burden of thinking that you need to be satisfied in order to be positive or happy.

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Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: August 8, 2008: 8:44 am: By Marvin Marshall

I was a teacher for ten years. I am now an instructor at California State University where one of my student interns spoke very highly of your book. I have been struggling with my 5-year-old who knows his own mind. Coercion was not working!

I was at a complete loss until I read your book. I had never tried anything like it with my son or in the classroom.

I am writing to tell you that it has been a great help. My son is responding very well and the methods have improved our relationship.

Thank you for giving me a practical method for teaching responsibility.

Karen McCormick
Norco, California

Download Tips for Parents for parenting tips.

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Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: July 29, 2008: 8:06 am: By Marvin Marshall

Whenever something new is introduced, plan to thoroughly teach carefully the procedures—not just once or twice but at least a few times. Every detail is demonstrated and includes, for example, what to do in the cafeteria with dirty spoons, plastic containers, juice boxes, straws and garbage after snack or lunch time. Kerry has her students practice each procedure at least at least eight times. She actually moves the kids around the room after snack time eight times and has them sit on the floor at the back sink and near the cloakroom where the garbage and juice box containers are located in order to have students experience the procedures that she wants them to follow.

She does the same for academic procedures as well. For example, for eight days in a row she sets up procedures for calendar time, for walking in the classroom to put assignments in the correct place, for completing daily independent math assignments, for quiet reading time, for poetry time, for phonics lesson times, for using tools such as pencils, scissors, glue, etc. The list goes on and on and gets longer each year because she sees how valuable it is to teach procedures.

Teaching procedures in such a concrete, patient and steady fashion takes a lot of time and teaching energy initially, but Kerry finds it allows to bypass almost all discipline problems. With all this step-by-step teaching and reviewing of procedures in the early days of the year, she doesn’t get to as much academic content as she would like but knows that time is not being wasted. In the long run the teaching of procedures pays off in increased time for learning.

Teaching procedures also creates a different mindset and atmosphere in the classroom than does being focused on “getting kids to behave.” She finds that focusing on teaching procedures gives the classroom a positive atmosphere in which all students are learning what they need to do. Nothing is left to guesswork. The natural result is students are well behaved simply because they have been explicitly taught to be—without ever mentioning the terms, “well behaved.”

More of Kerry’s posts are available at her blog.

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Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: July 14, 2008: 7:49 am: By Marvin Marshall

We often want to assist people by telling them what to avoid. Upon analysis, you will discover that so often when you tell a person what to avoid, the opposite results. The reason is that the brain does not envision “don’t” or any other negative-type word. The brain envisions pictures, illusions, visions, and images.

Here is an example: Don’t think of the color blue. What color did your brain envision?

Here is another example:
Think of any house pet—except a little white kitten with a bright red bow around its neck.

The park sign, “Don’t walk on the grass” is less effective than “Please use walkways.”

The teacher who tells the student not to look at his neighbor’s paper is having the student’s brain envision looking at the neighbor’s paper.

I saw an incident reinforcing this point. A mother sitting next to her three-year old son told him to keep his feet off of the seat in front of him. I watched as the child stretched out his feet against the seat.

The evening of this incident, I spoke to 100 parents. I gave the example of the mother whose youngster wets his bed and her admonishing the child not to wet his bed the next time he goes to sleep. The image that the mother inadvertently prompted was a wet bed. I suggested that greater success in reaching the desired goal would be achieved if the mother would have said, “Let’s see if we can keep our bed dry tonight.”

The next day during the school staff in-service, Larry Ouimette, the superintendent of the Lac de Flambeau School District, related to me a story. His 4-year-old son had often wet his bed. After hearing me talk, he told his son, “See if you can keep your bed dry tonight.” The next morning, the youngster ran to his father who was in the kitchen and proudly pulled him to the bedroom to point out that he had kept his bed dry all night.

The brain is a marvelous instrument that is easily swayed by external factors, such as images presented to it.

The points here are two:
(1) The brain conjures up pictures, not text. The words,”Don’t” and “Avoid,” simply do not register so much as what comes after these words.

(2) When the EXPECTATION OF WHAT IS DESIRED is articulated, chances are greater that people will do what is suggested. Simply stated, always conjure up what you do want, not what you do not want.

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Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: July 9, 2008: 12:03 pm: By Marvin Marshall

Responsible people are happy people.
Happy people are responsible people.
Responsibility and happiness feed on each other.

Dr. Jim Sutton expanded on this concept when he wrote in his blog:

Dr. Marvin Marshall (www.marvinmarshall.com), my friend in California and founder of the acclaimed “Discipline Without Stress” ‘program, suggests young people sometimes misbehave for two clear and addressable reasons:
1. They are unhappy.
2. Their behavior is their attempt to “fix” the problem.

We best not lose the message of these two statements in their simplicity. They come very, very close to saying all we need to know about behavior in children and adolescents. Unfortunately, it is often the case that we consider neither of these reasons in working with the disruptive and defiant child; we simply want the behavior to stop.

James Sutton, Educator and Psychologist
James D. Sutton, Ed.D, CSP

Blog: http://itsaboutthem.wordpress.com
Website: http://www.docspeak.com
Author of the bestseller, “101 Ways to Make Your Classroom Special”

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Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: June 27, 2008: 7:50 am: By Marvin Marshall

I had the pleasure of presenting at the William Glasser Institute’s International Convention in Jersey City, New Jersey.

Dr. Glasser is a psychiatrist whose first contribution was REALITY THERAPY, one of the earliest of what is now referred to as “cognitive psychology.” He then started working with schools and made perhaps his most significant contribution to the field of education when he introduced CLASSROOM MEETINGS. He then extended his ideas by developing “CHOICE THEORY” (originally referred to as “Control Theory), which basically proposes that all we can do is control ourselves by the choices we make. From W.Edwards Deming, Dr. Glasser introduced “LEAD MANAGEMENT” (vs. “Boss Management”). His current thrust is to bring achieving MENTAL HEALTH to the general public.

I propose that if you practice POSITIVITY to yourself as well as with others, if you become conscious of the CHOICES you continually make, and if you REFLECT on how to handle adverse situations (the three principles to practice of Discipline without Stress), you will have good mental health.

Dr. Glasser refers to a person’s “quality world” and that we do things to satisfy our quality world (the pictures in our minds) and avoid those things that don’t. I refer to this as one’s “self-talk”—the conversations we have with ourselves. The most important point to remember here is that if you change the pictures in your quality world—or change your self-talk—you will find it easier to change your behavior.

Here are two thoughts from William Glasser, M.D.:

—All we do is give information to others.
People choose their responses to this “information” that is conveyed in words, tone of voice, gestures and other external stimuli.

—One’s behavior is an attempt to a solve problem.
If you look at a young person’s irresponsible behavior as an attempt to fix a frustration, your chances of working with the person—rather than doing something “to” the person—will increase.

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Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: June 25, 2008: 7:29 am: By Marvin Marshall

Here is an interesting e-mail I received that deserves sharing:

I teach in a school in Sydney, Australia. I recently did a course in Choice Theory and saw your book at the course. Having read it, I decided I would try to implement your ideas. I was also curious to find out more and discovered your site when I did a search. Although I am still a novice, I can say that your system does work, and for the first time this year one of my most difficult classes has finally settled down and there is real learning happening.

Mersina

———–

Note: “Choice Theory” is a registered trademark of the William Glasser Institute. It is the basis for training in REALITY THERAPY, QUALITY SCHOOL EDUCATION, and LEAD MANAGEMENT. More about the institute can be fund at www.wglasser.com.

(I am “Glasser certified” and speak at the institutes’s international conferences. The concepts of noncoercion and accepting responsibility for one’s decisions are prime characteristics of William Glasser’s and my approach.)

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Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: June 23, 2008: 7:51 am: By Marvin Marshall

I had the distinct pleasure of celebrating and speaking with Emery Stoops, a former professor of mine at the University of Southern California, who celebrated the 103rd anniversary of his birth.

Phi Delta Kappa International republished his “Psychology of Success: Develop Your Hidden Powers,” which they first published in 1983 when Emery was a youthful 86.

Here is a checklist from the book that Dr. Stoops entitled, “GRADE YOUR HABITS.” His page is divided into columns—the first is the habit and the second gives the reader an opportunity to self-grade: F, D, C, B, A.

Here are the habits:
1. Starting early
2. Enjoying your work
3. Believing in your ability
4. Scheduling time and place for work at home
5. Organizing tools, supplies, and equipment
6. Avoiding distractions
7. Stressing the positive
8. Persisting toward a goal
9. Making a strong finish
10. Controlling you temper
11. Avoiding unfair judgments
12. Speaking well of others

Although I am not suggesting you grade yourself, I do suggest your reflecting on each of these habits to determine whether or not you have considered them.

Three other habits are described at another article on increasing effectiveness.

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Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: June 16, 2008: 3:23 pm: By Marvin Marshall

One of the great approaches to successful living is to develop the art of prompting positive mindsets.

For example, suppose I lay a plank on the ground. Almost anyone could easily walk on the plank from one end to the other. But if I were to raise the plank 20 feet off the ground, how many people do you think would get across it without falling? I would guess quite a few people would fall off the plank.

Why can people walk the plank when it’s on the ground but not while it’s elevated? A prime reason is that when the plank is on the ground, people imagine success. They believe and feel they can accomplish the task. Off the ground, there is a tendency to question the success of the endeavor.

Your mindset is vital. What you think, what you visualize, what you image is to a large degree what you will become—just like the eagle who thought he was a chicken.

As the story goes, a young boy found an eagle’s nest while climbing in the mountains around his father’s farm. He removed an egg from the nest and placed it under a hen back at the farm. The eagle hatched along with the other chicks. All his young life he was raised among chickens. Knowing no better, he came to see himself as a chicken.

Then one day an eagle flew high over the chicken coop. As the young one watched this great magnificent eagle flying high, the thought came to him that he too wished to soar over the mountains. With a burst of inspiration the young eagle flew to the top of the chicken coop. From there he soared to the top of a low hillside. As his confidence grew he soared higher and higher as did his confidence and his mindset of his capabilities.

More ideas on this topic are available at http://www.marvinmarshall.com.

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Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: June 3, 2008: 7:31 am: By Marvin Marshall