Discipline for Smart People    

I had the distinct pleasure of celebrating and speaking with Emery Stoops, a former professor of mine at the University of Southern California, who celebrated the 103rd anniversary of his birth.

Phi Delta Kappa International republished his “Psychology of Success: Develop Your Hidden Powers,” which they first published in 1983 when Emery was a youthful 86.

Here is a checklist from the book that Dr. Stoops entitled, “GRADE YOUR HABITS.” His page is divided into columns—the first is the habit and the second gives the reader an opportunity to self-grade: F, D, C, B, A.

Here are the habits:
1. Starting early
2. Enjoying your work
3. Believing in your ability
4. Scheduling time and place for work at home
5. Organizing tools, supplies, and equipment
6. Avoiding distractions
7. Stressing the positive
8. Persisting toward a goal
9. Making a strong finish
10. Controlling you temper
11. Avoiding unfair judgments
12. Speaking well of others

Although I am not suggesting you grade yourself, I do suggest your reflecting on each of these habits to determine whether or not you have considered them.

Three other habits are described at another article on increasing effectiveness.

 Print This Post
Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: June 16, 2008: 3:23 pm: By Marvin Marshall

Until the 1960’s, school books were replete with vocabulary words like integrity, industry, work, diligence, perseverance, self-reliance, self-examination, honesty, character, and responsibility. There was a glorification of hard work and an emphasis on education and self-discipline.

Assuming that textbooks have an influence on curriculum and instruction and that they, therefore, have an effect on children’s behavior and character, perhaps it is time to re-examine the contents of our school books as well as the vocabulary we use.

In his classic book, “1984,” George Orwell demonstrated the power of words with the example of the term “freedom.” If there were no such term, how would the concept be imagined, envisioned, and communicated? When we use the word in conversations with the young, we teach this concept of freedom and the values the word represents.

As an aside, this is the reason that the hierarchy of the Raise Responsibility System uses “anarchy,” “bossing/bullying” (both unacceptable levels), and “cooperation/conformity,” (external motivation) and “democracy” (internal motivation) as the vocabulary. Democracy and responsibility are inseparable and responsibility is the foundational characteristic in any character education approach.

Regularly using vocabulary that represents the values we wish to teach would be so much more effective than so many “popular” character education programs of external approaches catching them doing something good.

I am a graduate of Hollywood High School in Hollywood, California. I recall walking daily by the school’s marquee and reading “ACHIEVE THE HONORABLE.” I recently drove by the school and was truly disappointed that the motto was no longer posted. It, too, had gone the way of missed opportunities to foster character development.

 Print This Post
Posted In: Promoting Responsibility On: June 13, 2008: 1:21 pm: By Marvin Marshall

Kerry Weisner, the writer of Discipline Answers, notes that the only thing that she has often seen schools do with the Virtue Project that would not fit with the Discipline Without Stress approach is rewarding students for displaying various virtues—in other words, using the old “catch them being good” behaviour modification ploy.

As an example, I have noticed many schools offer raffle tickets to students who display kindness during “Kindness Month” or who are helpful during “Helpfulness Month,” thereby unwittingly encouraging operation on Level C. To me, it seems that such schools are missing out on a wonderful opportunity to help young people become aware of the benefits of operating on the highest level of all—Level D—the level at which a person feels intrinsically satisfied, simply as a natural result of having offered genuine kindness or help to others.

The levels referred to are explained at the link to the hierarchy.

 Print This Post
Posted In: Promoting Responsibility On: June 12, 2008: 2:04 pm: By Marvin Marshall

I had the honor of presenting the keynote at the International Character Education Conference in the newly dedicated Joan Kroc Institute for Peace and Justice at the University of San Diego.

I shared with the attendees some Principles of Effective Character Education as I quoted from the CHARACTER EDUCATION PARTNERSHIP:

Schools, ESPECIALLY IN THEIR APPROACH TO DISCIPLINE, SHOULD STRIVE TO DEVELOP INTRINSIC COMMITMENT TO CORE VALUES. They should MINIMIZE RELIANCE ON EXTRINSIC REWARDS and punishments that direct students’ attention away from the real reasons to behave responsibly: the rights and needs of self and others.

More information on this topic is at the character education link.

 Print This Post
Posted In: Promoting Responsibility On: June 11, 2008: 7:38 am: By Marvin Marshall

Responsible people are happy people.
Happy people are responsible people.

Responsibility and happiness feed on each other.

More ideas on this topic are available at the newsletter index.

 Print This Post
Posted In: Promoting Learning On: June 10, 2008: 5:33 pm: By Marvin Marshall

Dear Marv,

Hello from Benchmark School in Phoenix, AZ.

My name is Wendy Brady and you spoke at our school. I wanted to drop you a quick note about a compliment our 4th grade students received.

We recently had a guest speaker come to visit our 4th grade. He was Wyatt Earp and he performed a monologue on Wyatt Earp’s life and experiences.

After the performance, which took about one hour, Wyatt commented that in the past 3 years he had not come across a group of better-behaved school children. (He travels the world doing this show.) He was shocked at how well the students listened—no interruptions, respectful, etc. He told the teachers that he really enjoyed the experience because of the children.

I passed along the comments to the students. They were thrilled with themselves. One student even commented that the best feeling was that a teacher didn’t even remind them what the expectations were; they just did it on their own. “We did it because it was the right thing to do. This man gave us his time, and we should be respectful.”

I felt so good about the situation. It was nice to see 62 4th graders act at level D.

Very exciting!

Thanks for everything,

Wendy Brady

More ideas on this topic are available at the testimonials link.

 Print This Post
Posted In: Promoting Responsibility On: June 9, 2008: 7:48 am: By Marvin Marshall

QUESTION:

This is an embarrassing situation for me. I have a strange problem with my son that I have never heard about before. He is fifteen years old and has been stealing my clothes or his sister’s clothing and cutting them up into little pieces with scissors or cutting our underwear into a thong. We have had him seeing a psychiatric therapist for over a year, with no resolution to this problem. He seems to do this without any warning or reason. I can’t link it to anger at us, although he may just not be expressing his anger. It seems like an act of anger. He doesn’t talk or express his emotions much at all.

I have required him to earn the money to buy us new clothing to replace the items he destroyed, but that has not stopped him from doing it again. Is there anything you can suggest?

Thank you.
Diane

RESPONSE:

Don’t be embarrassed. Puzzling situations like yours are occurring more often with today’s teenagers.

Most boys will not express their emotions by engaging directly in a conversation. Engage him in some activity first. When he is involved in something, the chances of his sharing his thoughts and emotions are much greater.

Link to parenting. Print “Tips for Parents’ and refer to it often.

Completely stop all forms of coercion. When you have a conversation with your son let him know that when he feels pressure from you, he is to let you know—so you will be aware of it.

But keep your standards. When he does something that is not acceptable, simply say in a calm voice and relaxed body, “That is not acceptable. What do you suggest we do about it?”

Notice that rather than imposing a consequence you are eliciting one. Eliciting a procedure to redirect impulses is a key to success. It is also the one parents so often forget to implement. Also, focus on a procedure he can use in case he gets the urge again. If he says, “I don’t know,” then say, “As capable as you are, we both know better. What would an extraordinary person do?”

If you are still not successful, suggest that he share with one of his friends or counselor what he has done and suggest that they may help him come up with a procedure (not punishment) which may assist him. He won’t want to take you up on this. But notice that you have employed the second principal of “Tips for Parents”: the empowerment of choice.

Good luck and persevere in being positive, offering choices, and asking questions which will prompt him to reflect.

More ideas on this topic are available at ww.marvinmarshall.com.

 Print This Post
Posted In: Discipline without Stress On: June 6, 2008: 12:04 pm: By Marvin Marshall

The following is a summary of advice given to teachers who were about to take on an additional teaching role. They started to work with reluctant, apathetic, and disengaged adolescents in an alternative school.

Patience is critical with these students, and building relationships is the ONLY way you will have success. These students trust no one, and it will take time for them to truly understand that you are concerned about them and their own best interests.

Since success is built on success and not failure, compliment them on their successes. This will give them hope—the most essential ingredient for success and something they have had very little of.

Be wary of using any of the seven “deadlies”: criticizing, blaming, complaining, nagging, threatening, punishing, or rewarding/bribing to control.

Use caring techniques of listening, supporting, encouraging, respecting, trusting, accepting, and negotiating.

If a youngster is angry, do not take it personally. Ask, “Are you angry with me or the situation?” The anger will always come from a frustration in which you are rarely the cause.

Use the three principles on a regular basis:
(1) positivity
(2) empowering students with choices
(3) asking reflective questions to promote thinking.

Teach choice-response thinking regularly. Regardless of the situation, the stimulation, or the urge, you always have the choice as to the response. Choose reflectively, rather than reflexively.

Teach impulse management.

When referring to the hierarchy, do not ask these alternative school students to identify a level. They will think you are being coercive. Instead, just drop a comment, e.g., “Lee, please take a moment and reflect on the level you have chosen.”

When giving an option or choice always offer THREE. Giving only two options may seem coercive to these young adults. THEY WILL NOT TOLERATE COERCION IN ANY FORM. Reacting negatively to coercion is their way of staying in control and exercising power.

Teach a procedure for everything you want the students to do. Assume they know nothing. Even with home assignments, have them practice in class before giving them any assignment to do on their own. When they have practiced and visualized exactly how to attack the assignment so they feel confident in completing it, chances of their doing it significantly increase.

Use the hierarchy for motivating both responsible behavior and learning. See Hierarchies.

Always EMPATHIZE with them and then ask, “How are we going to handle the situation?” This approach elicits a procedure which will help them to help themselves.

Have students write in a journal the very first thing upon entering the class. Assure students that you will never read what they have written—unless they ask you to and give you permission. Writing how they feel is a clarifying and cathartic exercise for these students who constantly undergo a perception of alienation and stress.

Along these lines, periodically drop in a word (but don’t teach a formal lesson unless asked) about the importance of a good night’s sleep; exercise; and the problem of too much sugar and lack of fruits, vegetables, and calcium in their growing bodies.

Finally, regarding reading: Most of these students do not. You may find that some of them get headaches when they read or that reading is physiologically painful to them. A simple change in WHERE they read may have an effect on them—such as moving out from a standard classroom with florescent lights to outdoors or incandescent lighting. Some may have visual perception challenges such as scotopic sensitivity. Ask each student privately if he/she finds it painful to read or gets headaches from reading. The following is an excellent sources on this topic: http://www.dyslexiacure.com

Don’t overlook an optometric examination. It may be such a simple thing as needing glasses that the family does not provide. The Lions Club will help in this area.

Finally, you may be their last chance in their formal schooling for them to develop positive mindsets leading to responsible and successful lives.

More information is available at support.

 Print This Post
Posted In: Promoting Learning On: June 5, 2008: 7:42 am: By Marvin Marshall

Make it your habit not to be critical about small things in other people.

More ideas on this topic are available at http://www.marvinmarshall.com.

 Print This Post
Posted In: Improving Relationships On: June 4, 2008: 7:38 am: By Marvin Marshall

One of the great approaches to successful living is to develop the art of prompting positive mindsets.

For example, suppose I lay a plank on the ground. Almost anyone could easily walk on the plank from one end to the other. But if I were to raise the plank 20 feet off the ground, how many people do you think would get across it without falling? I would guess quite a few people would fall off the plank.

Why can people walk the plank when it’s on the ground but not while it’s elevated? A prime reason is that when the plank is on the ground, people imagine success. They believe and feel they can accomplish the task. Off the ground, there is a tendency to question the success of the endeavor.

Your mindset is vital. What you think, what you visualize, what you image is to a large degree what you will become—just like the eagle who thought he was a chicken.

As the story goes, a young boy found an eagle’s nest while climbing in the mountains around his father’s farm. He removed an egg from the nest and placed it under a hen back at the farm. The eagle hatched along with the other chicks. All his young life he was raised among chickens. Knowing no better, he came to see himself as a chicken.

Then one day an eagle flew high over the chicken coop. As the young one watched this great magnificent eagle flying high, the thought came to him that he too wished to soar over the mountains. With a burst of inspiration the young eagle flew to the top of the chicken coop. From there he soared to the top of a low hillside. As his confidence grew he soared higher and higher as did his confidence and his mindset of his capabilities.

More ideas on this topic are available at http://www.marvinmarshall.com.

 Print This Post
Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: June 3, 2008: 7:31 am: By Marvin Marshall