Discipline for Smart People    

One of the attributes I share is the promotion of the basic characteristic of any character education program: responsibility.

George Washington and many of the other USA’s founding fathers focused on how one could improve oneself as the first criterion to influence others. “The Rules of Civility,” the etiquette planner that Washington copied as a teenager, begins with the following admonition:

“Every action done in company ought to be done with some sign of respect to those who are present.”

Perhaps the concept of appropriate should be revisited. Examples abound: wearing casual clothing in private vs. in public places such as houses of worship, using certain language in private vs. in public, and doing what comes naturally in private or in public.

Civility itself is founded on the concept of taking individual responsibility for appropriateness and respect for others.

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Posted In: Promoting Responsibility On: December 31, 2007: 10:32 am: By Marvin Marshall

We dislike when someone orders or mandates us to do something—or uses some other form of coercion on us. Such actions prompt negative feelings in us. Unfortunately, however, too often we tend to use such approaches with young people.

The essence of the famed psychologist Jean Piaget’s hierarchy of cognitive development is that children’s brains develop at different ages but they—even infants—have similar feelings as adults. Young people smile. They also experience negative feelings of pain, anger, and fear—all of which prompt resentment toward the person who prompted such feelings.

Sharing information and asking reflective questions do not carry the baggage of prompting negative emotions and resentments that coercion and other such approaches carry. These noncoercive approaches not only improve relationships but they are also more effective in accomplishing your objectives because they do not arouse negative feelings.

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Posted In: Improving Relationships On: December 28, 2007: 10:03 am: By Marvin Marshall

You will notice that when you smile at someone, the “imitation response” that neuroscientists have discovered prompts a natural tendency for the other person to smile back. This phenomenon indicates that the face is an enormously rich source of information about emotion. In fact, our face is not just a signal of what is going on in our mind; in a certain sense, it IS what is going on in our mind.

The expression on our face is sufficient to create a marked change in the autonomic nervous system. You can prove this to yourself by thinking of a sad thought. With that thought still in your mind, look up at the ceiling and smile. Then try to keep that sad thought.

We think of the face as the residue of emotion. But the process works in the opposite direction as well. Emotion can START in the face. The face is not just a secondary billboard for our internal feelings. It is an equal partner in the emotional process.

Little did I realize when I wrote the opening few sentences in my book that my statements would be scientifically proven. The first few lines are: “Life is a conversation. Interestingly, the most influential person we talk with all day is ourself, and what we tell ourself has a direct bearing on our behavior, our performance, and our influence on others. In fact, a good case can be made that our self-talk creates our reality.”

Our self-talk becomes our thoughts and shows on the expressions of our face.

Scientists are discovering that the face is governed by a separate, involuntary system. Whenever we experience a basic emotion, that emotion is automatically expressed by the muscles of the face. Our involuntary expressive system is the way we have been equipped by evolution to signal our feelings. The argument can be made that the system evolved so that parents would be able to take care of their children whose feelings are shown on the face.

We have no switch to turn our expressions on or off, and this may be a good thing. Since others can see what you feel, and since people do better when they feel better, and since others may involuntarily imitate your responses, having positive self-talk increases your effectiveness.

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Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: December 27, 2007: 9:18 am: By Marvin Marshall

This article was sent to me by Paul Leitch of Queensland, Australia. I share it with you with his permission. If you work with young people, this story will be worth reading.

Tom is a seven-year old who came from a family that has a lot of conflict and whose mother was often angry with him. The writer of this experience (hereafter referred to as “I”) asked the teacher what she wanted Tom to learn from an experience where Tom did not follow the rules—but instead took some “Easter eggs” when he was not supposed to.

The teacher said that she wanted Tom to learn to follow the rules. I asked the teacher what did she want Tom to REMEMBER. She looked at me with puzzled eyes. I asked her again what she wanted Tom to remember. Did she want him to remember that he took some eggs, broke the rules, and received a consequence but still went home with something? Or, did she want him to remember that she was the teacher that didn’t give him any eggs when all the other kids got something?

I then spoke about how adults remember a teacher when they were in grade two or three and how they still hurt because of some particular injustice that was dealt to them. I made the comment that I am sure they are not in therapy over it, but it still comes up in conversation all these years later along with a dull pain.

Tom’s teacher said she certainly knew of many adult stories of school injustice. She had a few herself. I repeated, “What do you want Tom to learn? What do you want him to remember?”

There was a pause and then the teacher told me that I was right. Tom’s teacher remarked that I “got her” when I asked what did she want him to remember. I also made the comment that as adults we can reflect and make changes to what we have said or done. That is part of adult responsibility. We are “big” enough to do that. I then said Tom could learn that you can negotiate in a difficult situation, you can accept your responsibilities and you can also accept a consequence. I asked the teacher if she wanted to do something that would bring her closer to Tom or drive him away. Again, she reflected. I received a reply that suggested she wanted to be closer to Tom but was concerned that the other children were expecting a certain consequence to be administered.

I explained that it wouldn’t just be giving Tom what he wanted. It would be giving him an opportunity to learn. Some more concerns were then raised. There was a teaching partner to consider. She also wanted Tom to receive no eggs—to go home empty handed—because he had broken the rules. Tom’s teacher suggested that her partner might not be so forgiving. Unfortunately for Tom’s teacher, I said that it would be her job to deal with her teaching partner, and I wished her luck.

I suggested that she could talk with Tom. She could ask him if he thought it was fair if all the kids were sent home with five eggs (for example) including Tom—even though he had eaten some already. It is my experience that most children, even difficult children, can be quite honest when it comes to fairness. Odds on, I was betting that Tom would concede. I suggested that maybe Tom could go home with three eggs if everyone else was going home with five.

I suggested she could alter the number of eggs to suit the negotiations. Tom may be just as happy with one egg as he would be with three. Was the number really relevant? Maybe. Maybe not!

Tom could learn that there are rules, that there are consequences when breaking a rule, and that his teacher was being fair. He could learn that you can negotiate. He could learn that sometimes adults change their minds after rethinking a decision. He could learn that his teachers care. He could have eggs in his basket and would have gone home with a smile on his face. He could learn about fairness, justice, and responsibility. He doesn’t get a free ride, and his teachers remain in authority.

I asked the teacher what she thought Tom’s reaction would be when he learned that he was going home with some eggs, even if he had fewer than the other students. Would his reaction be more difficult to deal with than if he realized he wasn’t receiving any? The teacher conceded that it would probably be a lot better if he went home with something. Again, I reinforced that we weren’t conceding to Tom. He was learning something.

I wished the teacher well with whatever she decided to do and said I would find out after the spring holidays how things transpired. She smiled and left for class.

After the holidays I returned to the school and met the teacher. I asked how things went with Tom on the last day before the vacation. She paused and told me that that was an interesting story. She was actually quite surprised by his reaction.

She had spoken to her teaching partner who still didn’t think Tom should get any eggs. Later, all the children were in two lines with one teacher facing a line of thirty girls and another facing a line of thirty boys—each child with a cardboard basket in hand. When Tom arrived at the front of the line he was asked, “What are you doing here?” He just dropped his head and walked out of the line. The teacher seemed quite pleased that Tom hadn’t gone off and that he had kept calm. It appeared that she thought things had gone well.

However, there was more to the story. Later in the afternoon the teacher spotted one egg in Tom’s basket. Her eyes told me that when she saw this she was not impressed. Tom had taken someone’s egg. She walked up to him and demanded, “How did you get that, Tom?”

Tom looked up at her with his brown eyes and said, “Sasha gave it to me, Miss.”

What did I think? I thought what a noble person Sasha was. I thought how wise Sasha was when compared to the adults she was under. I wondered if the teachers realized how Sasha’s approach compared to theirs.

I thought of what Tom would remember: his poor impulse control—or how he felt about his teachers?

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Posted In: Improving Relationships On: December 26, 2007: 9:39 am: By Marvin Marshall

In times past, initiative and perseverance were characteristics parents actively promoted. Parents thought twice before doing things for young people that the youngsters could do for themselves.

We can promote initiative and perseverance, which are part and parcel of responsibility, by asking ourselves, “If I do this for the youngster when I know that the youngster is capable, will I be depriving that person of an opportunity for growth?”

If YOU want to grow, do it YOURSELF.

If you want the other people to grow, don’t do those things for them that they can do themselves.

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Posted In: Promoting Responsibility On: December 24, 2007: 6:41 pm: By Marvin Marshall

A reader wrote me indicating that knowing the reason for a person’s action is important and can assist in such problems as homework.

I shared my response below.

Many psychologists and therapists believe that knowing the “why” for a behavior is important. However, Dr. William Glasser, an internationally renowned psychiatrist and the author of “Choice Theory,” advocates that knowing the reason for a behavior may be of interest but, in most cases, has little to do with actually changing behavior. Change requires forming new neural connections. This requires new thinking and new behavior—rather than revisiting old memories.

An example of a student’s being non-compliant about doing homework was related in the communication to me. The student was diabetic, and giving this student a morning snack greatly assisted in control of his behavior.

This is an excellent point and refers to a physical influence. A similar case can be made for non-compliant people with scotopic sensitivity (a brain situation where using color filters can greatly improve reading skills). See http://www.irlen.com.

This student who has this condition and refuses to read is not displaying a behavior problem. The person has a physical challenge.

Both of these examples, diabetes and scotopic sensitivity, have to do with instruction (teaching and learning)—rather than irresponsible behavior. The student is not interfering with the teacher’s teaching, and the student is not disrupting other students’ learning.

As I explain in my seminars, all behavior is purposeful. Behavior is a person’s attempt to “fix” a problem or a situation—regardless of how irrational the behavior may be. To put it another way, behavior is an attempt to meet the person’s desires at that moment.

It is important to remember that EMOTION TAKES PRECEDENCE OVER COGNITION. One has to go no further than Lisa Nowak, the terminated astronaut. To achieve this highly prestigious position, she must be cognitively advanced. But the emotion of jealousy toward a romantic rival for the attention of a space shuttle pilot resulted in her being accused of a criminal act.

Positive Behavior Support (PBS), as with many other approaches, focuses on finding the motivation for the behavior. In most cases, articulating the reason that a person “misbehaves” is very difficult, if not impossible because all factors may not be discernible. In addition, ascertaining the probable reason can be a very time-consuming process.

Finding the underlying cause is certainly made easier when the prompt is physical and especially when a relationship is established where the student feels that the teacher wants to help. The student is more likely to share concerns with the teacher with whom there is a positive relationship. But if the teacher views the student as being non-compliant about homework or reading, then a positive relationship is hard to establish.

I spoke at the conference of the California Association of Resource Specialists (CARS Plus), an association whose membership has many special education teachers and specialists. With more and more special education students being mainstreamed, implementing the first two parts of the teaching model will become increasingly valuable. Special education teachers should also consider the importance of visualization.

Tapping into internal motivation is far more effective than an approach of rewarding for expected standards of behavior. Such an external approach inevitably punishes those who believe that they followed all expectations but did not receive the reward.

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Posted In: Promoting Responsibility On: December 21, 2007: 2:22 pm: By Marvin Marshall

Positive Behavior(al) Interventions and Support (PBIS) or just Positive Behavior Support (PBS) is finding increasing use in the U.S.A. The approach was established by the Office of Special Education Programs in the U.S. Department of Education. The program is behaviorally based in that it is a classic use of B.F. Skinner’s positive reinforcement of operant conditioning. The program was developed as an alternative to aversive interventions that were used with students having severe disabilities who engaged in extreme forms of self-injury and aggression.

Positive Behavior Support treats the acquisition and use of social-behavioral skills in much the same way we would academic skills. However, academic skills deal with the cognitive domain, whereas behavior has as much to do with the affective domain—those factors which pertain to feelings and emotions.

A basic rationale of PBS is that it is necessary to understand the “why” of a behavioral problem in order to “fix” the behavior. However, it is nearly impossible to articulate with certainty the underlying reasons for behavior. And even more important, although finding the rationale or reason for a behavior may be interesting, it has no effect on changing the behavior.

My personal life attests to this little acknowledged fact. I attended speech classes all the way through elementary, junior high, and high school. When I graduated high school, I still had a severe stutter. Although much research and study gave me great insight into the cause of my behavior, it had absolutely nothing to do with “fixing my problem.” In order to change my behavior, it was necessary for my brain to establish new neural patterns. Although at the time I did not know how the brain operates, I did know that in order to change behavior, it would be necessary to participate and experience new behavior patterns in order to replace my current pattern. In college, therefore, I decided to participate in new experiences such as impromptu and extemporaneous speaking, debating, and radio broadcasting.

The major point here is that when you focus on attempting to understand the reason that prompted the behavior, you are focusing on the past and simply revisiting memories. The more you stay in the past, the more you avoid working in the present. The past cannot be changed. It is useless to water last year’s crops. Dr. William Glasser put it succinctly: “We do not need to find the pothole that ambushed the car in order to align the front end.”

The ground on which PBS rests is faulty—and sooner or later the structure will topple.

According to the developers of PBS, the most impressive gains in reducing challenging behavior have occurred with students who have severe intellectual disabilities. It seems to me that this is another case of both the tail wagging the dog and of tunnel vision. When I was working in the dean of boys’ office in a large urban high school, I dealt solely with behavioral problems. The position could easily have given me a policeman’s viewpoint. Are ALL students sent to the office for disciplinary purposes? Hardly! But that was the only type of student I dealt with. In contrast, when I moved to an even larger high school (3,200 students) in a different district as assistant principal of supervision and control, I dealt with the student government leaders, athletes, as well as with students whose behaviors needed attention. I, therefore, had a more realistic perception of the entire student body.

For the advocates of PBS to impose a system on an entire school—which they are trying to do—in order to help a few seems to me hardly justifiable.

Success with special education students and students of lower intellectual abilities has more to do with motivation to learn and using procedures in a structured environment than giving rewards for desired behavior.

An integral part of the PBS is based on schools’ developing rules. But rules are meant to control, not to inspire. Establishing rules to have teachers reward students is counterproductive to the goals of the system—a critical factor the developers of the approach do not realize.

Rewards aim at obedience. They do not foster values of character education such as responsibility, integrity, honesty, empathy, or perseverance.

PBS is based on the “critical importance of consistency among people.” But people differ in a myriad of ways. A focus on consistency fosters the factory approach of the 19th and 20th centuries—certainly not one for the 21st century where success is increasingly based on individual creativity and personal responsibility.

A major concern is that decision-making is team-based. It is impractical to the point of being impossible to have a team respond to every behavior. Most importantly a “one size fits all” approach is totally unfair. With some students an askance look stops inappropriate behavior; others need to feel the heat before they see the light. One could hire a layman to enforce rules. The future of this approach is destined to be short-lived if for no other reason that it is imposed top-down and, thereby, deprives professionals of their professional judgments.

PBS is based on “empirical support” or evidence of effectiveness. The aphorism is appropriate here. “Those things that count can’t be counted, and those things that can be counted don’t count.” How can one quantify perseverance, honesty, integrity, caring, desire, positive self-talk, self-esteem and other factors that make for a responsible and successful citizenry?

The developers of PBS state that it may take a school 3 - 5 years to fully implement. A person wonders, with the turnover of so many principals in so many schools these days, how practical this approach is—especially when an approach exists which can find immediate results and have long-lasting changes. Learn more about how a school can conduct its own discipline and learning staff devleopment.

WHAT SHOULD A SCHOOL DO IF PBS IS MANDATED? The first step would be to present a better approach and ask for a waiver. The case would be presented by asking whether the district is willing to allow the school to try something different that the school believes will reach the objectives of PBS without using the PBS approach.

FOR AN INDIVIDUAL TEACHER WHO HAS THE APPROACH MANDATED, have a class meeting. Put the problem on the table and let the students determine the criteria to be used for the reward, and then have the students choose on a rotating basis which students will do the rewarding. In all of my studies of PBS, I have not seen anything that mandates the TEACHER to do the rewarding.

Two final thoughts: (1) Experience shows that rewards punish those who believe they have deserved the reward but were not rewarded. (2) Rewards change motivation so that students soon start competing to see who receives the most number of rewards.

PBS is another case of using a misguided approach based on external agents to promote responsible behavior—which is always an internal decision.

For those interested in a personal experience and a quicker, more effective approach to promote responsible behavior and learning, download this article to read at your convenience.

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Posted In: Promoting Responsibility On: December 20, 2007: 1:37 pm: By Marvin Marshall

Although competition is a marvelous motivator to increase performance, collaboration increases student learning. This is especially the case with young people who feel that they never stand in the winner’s circle. A prime reason is that the number of winners in competition is severely restricted—usually to one. This means that competition produces more losers than winners.

A case in point is the annual celebration in the U.S.A. of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s birthday and legacy that features a Martin Luther King, Jr. essay writing contest. Where is the wisdom in turning children into essay writing losers in the name of Dr. King?

When did Dr. King ever stand to make anybody a loser? I suggest he never did. An essay writing collaboration in which students correct the various drafts of each other’s papers would help contribute to every student’s success and joy in writing would be a far more fitting celebration of Dr. King’s legacy.

A major advancement in learning would be to desist from the nearly imperceptible yet continual demoralization of K-12 students by fostering competition between students as a way to increase learning. This very significant yet unintended consequence of competition contributes to the reduction of intrinsic motivation for learning of many students, especially those who believe they can never win. To protect themselves, they will drop out—rather than submit to the lower status of losing.

Motivation is a fundamental factor in learning. Every action taken to increase learning should be considered in terms of “motivation for what?” If the desired answer is to improve learning so that no child will be left behind, then one approach to accomplish this goal is to replace competition with collaboration.

Here is a more thorough discussion on this topic along with suggestions.

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Posted In: Promoting Learning On: December 19, 2007: 4:10 pm: By Marvin Marshall

When anyone is sharing a problem, praise acts as a roadblock.

Try this experiment: Next time you are with someone who starts sharing a personal problem with you, send some strong, positive evaluations to the person. Then observe how your praise blocks communication. Listen particularly to the defensive responses you will undoubtedly get. You will see that praise often stops people in their tracks.

People who are unhappy or disappointed with themselves or the way things are going in their lives respond to any kind of positive evaluation as a denial of their true feelings of the moment—which, of course, are far from positive. This explains why praise often provokes such responses as:

“You don’t really understand.”
“You wouldn’t say that if you knew how I feel.”
“That’s easy for you to say.”
“I wish I could be as optimistic as you.”

Acknowledgments—in contrast to praise—don’t create this problem.

More details of the differences between praise and acknowledgments are in the book.

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Posted In: Improving Relationships On: December 18, 2007: 11:42 am: By Marvin Marshall

In addition to asking reflective questions to improve one’s effectiveness, listening also helps.

Specifically, in order to understand the other person’s problem, you not only need to ask the right questions, you need to listen to the response.

Such was the case with a farmer and his horse, dog, and wagon full of grain traveling along the highway. They were struck head-on by a car. The incident caused the farmer severe injuries.

When the case came to court, the lawyer defending the man driving the car asked the farmer, “Isn’t it true that immediately after the accident a passer-by came over to you and asked how you felt?”

“Yes, I remember that,” replied the farmer.

“And didn’t you tell him that you never felt better in your life?” asked the lawyer.

The farmer said, “I guess I did.” The defense lawyer said, “No further questions.”

On cross-examination, the farmer’s attorney asked, “Will you please tell the jury the circumstances in which you made that response?”

The farmer said, “Immediately after the accident, my horse had two broken legs and was neighing and kicking. The passer-by who came along was the deputy sheriff. He put his revolver to my horse’s ear and shot him dead. Then he went over to my dog who had a broken back and was yelping. He put his gun to my dog’s ear and shot him dead. Then he came over to me and asked, ‘How do you feel?’ I said I never felt better in my life.”

Until the lawyers and the jurors listened to the farmer’s personal plight, until they understood his perception of the entire situation, they wouldn’t be able make an appropriate judgment.

Too often, complete understanding is never achieved because we have not listened to the other person’s entire story.

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Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: December 17, 2007: 2:23 pm: By Marvin Marshall