Discipline for Smart People    

Jim wrote me the following regarding his teaching:

I am a returning math teacher who has worked in business most of my life. Had a tough time teaching last year. Thought I could just teach the subject and didn’t give any thought to managing the classroom. Got a rude awakening.

I figure if I can guide the students into being courteous to one another, we can then have meaningful conversations  about math. One of the best ways to learn math is to express it in English.

The suggestion I gave Jim is the one I gave to high school teachers in Georgia using math as an example.

I suggested they start each lesson by giving students a problem. Grappling with a problem creates interest and curiosity, both great motivators. Students can then share how they solved or attempted to solve the problem. After  this discussion, use direct instruction followed by guided practice.

The approach follows the Japanese model of teaching. Our usual approach is to give direct instruction followed by guided practice. This approach does not consider motivation; it assumes students are motivated by a responsibility to learn what is taught. Of course, what is lacking here is the teacher’s responsibility to create an environment where students WANT to learn.
————
Incidentally, I started my staff development at Coffee High School in Douglas, Georgia by informing the staff that if they were ever in Southern California and drove by Westminster High School in the Huntington Beach Union High School District they might take notice of four bungalows in the front south side of that campus.

These bungalows were built at my behest when I was assistant principal of curriculum and instruction. I had presented to the board of education a plan to establish a small learning community that combined math, science, language arts, and social studies with teachers having a common planning period and with the same group of 9th grade students. Coffee High School was initiating the same format—also starting with ninth graders—to raise their graduation rate, a challenge that affects most high schools in the U.S.A.

 Print This Post
Posted In: Discipline without Stress On: July 1, 2009: 6:04 pm: By Marvin Marshall

If someone interrupts you while you are working on something and have that mental momentum where you are in a state of flow, take just a moment to write down some key words that later will bring you back to your thought.

If the interruption is at a lower priority than what you are engaged in, here is how to diplomatically deflect the interruption without hurting the other person’s feelings. It is a four-step process.

Start with “I WANT TO . . . .” (1st part)
I want to talk with you about it.

“AND I NEED TO . . . . ” ( 2nd part)
And I need to finish this before I do anything else.

Ask a question. (3rd part)
“Can we talk in just a few minutes?”

Acknowledge their understanding. (4th part)
“Thanks. I really appreciate your understanding.”

Notice that NOWHERE have I said “I can’t talk to you now,” or “You will have to come back,” or “I am right in the middle of something and you will have to wait.”

I am not rejecting the person. Instead, I’m acknowledging the person but letting the person know that I have a need also and that we can handle the situation through mutual understanding.

 Print This Post
Posted In: Improving Relationships On: June 15, 2009: 1:12 pm: By Marvin Marshall

Admired people have others feel important. When you interact with someone—whether for 30 seconds or for 30 minutes—the test is, “When the person walks away, does that person feel better or worse?”

If you see the person walking away feeling down or depressed, walk after the person and ask, “How about trying that again so that you feel better than when we started the conversation?”

The conclusion is inescapable. When we work with others who prompt positive feelings, our spirits are raised—and so is our motivation.

 Print This Post
Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: June 9, 2009: 3:25 pm: By Marvin Marshall

A mother of a young boy shared with me her frustration. One of her sons was constantly getting up from the table during dinner, thereby disrupting the environment she wanted to maintain during meal time.

I suggested that she think of the EXACT OPPOSITE of what her son was doing. I then suggested that she put her son in charge of that responsibility.

The conversation would go something like this:
“Jay, I need your help. I want you to be in charge of having all members of the family remain seated during dinner.”

——–

Here, then, is the two-step process:

(1) Put the person in charge of the opposite of what the person is doing. (2) Articulate what you want (I need your help, assistance, leadership, etc.), and then put the person in charge of it.

People like to be in charge. When in charge, the person performs the appropriate behavior because incongruity (doing the opposite of what the person is in charge of) is very difficult for young people.

Following are some additional examples that work every time.

A primary student does not complete assigned table work.
“I need your help. I would like you to be in charge of noticing who at your table completes the assigned work. Let me know at the end of the day who was successful.”
(Notice that the phrasing is in the positive; it’s not about who doesn’t complete the work.)

The middle school class procedure was to clean and organize desks before dismissal on Fridays. One student continually dumped stuff on the desk and took an excessive amount of time to clean and organize the materials.
“I need your help. I would like you to be in charge of the desks by going around and keeping track of whose desk is clean and orderly.”
(The student didn’t wait until Friday. He started checking on Thursday.)

The high school student continued to came to school tardy.
“I need your help. I would like you to make sure everyone is seated on time when the bell rings.”
(The student not only started to come to class on time but also improved his appearance and school attire.)

This approach to changing behavior immediately is foolproof.
If it doesn’t work, reflect: Did you think of the exact opposite? Did you use the exact wording of putting the person in charge and phrasing the responsibility in positive terms?

 Print This Post
Posted In: Promoting Responsibility On: June 4, 2009: 10:49 am: By Marvin Marshall

You can view parts of “DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS^® PUNISHMENTS or REWARDS: HOW TEACHERS and PARENTS PROMOTE RESPONSIBILITY and LEARNING” online at Amazon’s “Search Inside.”

Here is how to do it. On Amazon’s home page, in the SEARCH box on the left side, ENTER: Marvin Marshall. Then click on “Go.”

When the book appears, click on the book cover or the title. When the book is in view, click on “LOOK INSIDE.”

You can navigate these pages by using the left or right ARROWS in the MIDDLE of each page—or by using the “Previous Page” or “Next Page” links on the top and bottom of the pages.

Notice the number of five (5) star reviews.

 Print This Post
Posted In: Discipline without Stress On: June 2, 2009: 7:47 am: By Marvin Marshall

I spoke in Cambridge, Massachusetts to college and university professors who prepare future teachers.

I suggested that they have a dilemma. They wish to expose future teachers to various approaches to discipline. With this in mind, they use textbooks which share a number of discipline approaches, such as C.C..Charles’ Building Classroom Discipline. (Incidentally, the Raise Responsibility System is included in the more recent editions.)

Unfortunately, when their students are asked at the end of their course whether or not they feel confident to walk into their first classroom knowing good classroom management procedures and having a discipline approach that is “user friendly” for both teacher and student, these future teachers inevitably answer in the negative.

We expose future teachers to knowledge of different approaches but do not actually teach the skills of any one. This means that education is the only profession that does not prepare its practitioners for that which is most important to their success. In the case of classroom teaching, this means having SKILLS (not just knowledge) in both classroom management AND discipline. (If you are unclear about the differences, visit this website. Also, rread
Read the article entitled, “Curriculum, Instruction, Classroom Management, and Discipline.“

In spite of the challenge I presented, the Raise Responsibility System was received with great enthusiasm.

 Print This Post
Posted In: Discipline without Stress On: May 25, 2009: 9:49 am: By Marvin Marshall

“You have greatly added to our school leaders’ arsenals for helping teachers look freshly upon a major issue.”

Patricia A. Romandetto
Superintendent Community School District 3
City of New York Board of Education

A descriptive table of contents of the book describing the approach, three selected sections, and additional items of interest are posted at the book.

Any school in the U.S.A. can receive free books for each teacher by following the  procedure at the application.

 Print This Post
Posted In: Discipline without Stress On: May 22, 2009: 8:31 am: By Marvin Marshall

QUESTION:

I am a psychologist who wholeheartedly supports your approach and philosophy. I am also part of a local community visioning process. Our juvenile justice system is working to introduce a “Balanced and Restorative Justice” initiative, which is a wonderful concept that aligns beautifully with your system. However, they have been approached by another project. Not surprisingly, many of those involved (probation officers, etc.) want to implement this other program as soon as possible.

However, as I reviewed its manual, I found that at its core it is about controlling kids through a one-size-fits-all “consequence” (taking away everything they want) and trying to censor and control everything the kids hear, see, wear, and do—simply another behavior-mod program.

Do you have, or do you know of any programs that focus on adolescents that are acting out in destructive/violent ways, “out-of-control” kids, that embrace a philosophy similar to yours? It would be especially helpful if they included a strong facilitator training and/or if they have been implemented in conjunction with juvenile justice systems in some way. I would be so grateful for any input you may have.

RESPONSE:

I know of no other program that is proactive, creates a DESIRE for change, and places total responsibility on the other person—rather than on the supervisor.

There are a few underlying, fundamental truths to my approach.

1. A person can be controlled—but only temporarily, and no one can control how another person thinks or WANTS to behave.

2. Although you can influence people, you cannot change them. People change themselves.

3. The least effective approach to influence a person is by using coercion.

4. Obedience does not create desire.

5. Two requirements are necessary for long-term change: (a) acknowledgment that a change is necessary and (b) ownership. Any IMPOSED punishment lacks the second requirement. This does not mean that expectations, standards, rules, and responsibilities are not necessary. Obviously, they are—but imposing the same punishment for all (one size fits all) (a) is not fair, (b) affects different people in different ways, and (c) is counterproductive to the objective of promoting long-term responsible behavior.

6. Cognition and emotions cannot be separated. One affects the other. Anything imposed—especially if it is related to punishment—puts the receiver in a victimhood mode and prompts ill feelings toward the enforcer. Good relationships are essential to prompt positive change. People do good when they feel good. One does not ordinarily do good when feeling bad. This is a prime reason that traditional, coercive approaches are not successful and the recidivism rate is so high.

Check into what the juvenile justice system is doing in Missouri. They are more aligned with my approach and are meeting with much greater success and at half the cost than other states.

The key to changing behavior is to project high expectations and then empower—rather than overpower. These young people need structure. They have rebelled against authority all their lives. The program being considered may work, as punishments may work, in the short term. However, these external and imposed approaches are not nearly so effective as internal and elicited approaches that CHANGE DESIRE so people WANT to be socially and individually responsible.

 Print This Post
Posted In: Promoting Responsibility On: May 20, 2009: 12:46 pm: By Marvin Marshall

The opening paragraph of my book deals with mindsets. It sets the stage for the entire book because my purpose is to influence young people to have mindsets where they WANT to be responsible and WANT to learn. The objective is to create visual images that drive behaviors.

The following exercise (shared with me by Jack Canfield, coauthor with Mark Victor Hansen of “The Aladdin Factor” and the “Chicken Soup” series) gives students an experience of the power of imagery for both behavior and learning.

Students will need room for the exercise.

Divide the class in two groups, A and B. Say the following to group A:
I want you to close your eyes and imagine in your mind a seagull floating gracefully in the air. See it gently, easily, effortlessly gliding through the air. When you have the picture of a seagull vividly in your mind, nod your head. Now with your eyes a quarter of the way open so that you can see the floor in front of you and have a sense of where your neighbors are, move like a seagull—keeping the image of the seagull vividly in your mind. Continue that while I go over to the other group.

Say the following to group B:
Close your eyes and imagine a jackhammer. See it moving rapidly up and down in short, jerky, staccato movements. When you have that picture of a jackhammer vividly in your mind, nod your head. Now with your eyes a quarter of the way open so that you can see the floor in front of you and have a sense of where your neighbors are, move like a jackhammer—keeping the image of the jackhammer vividly in your mind. Continue that while I go over to the other group.

Turn back to group A and continue:
Once again, close your eyes and imagine that effortless, graceful seagull floating on an air current, barely moving its wings. When you have that picture vividly in your mind, nod your head. Now keeping that image of the seagull vividly in your mind, open your eyes a quarter of the way and move like a jackhammer.

Most students will have a great deal of difficulty moving like jackhammers while thinking of a seagull. Their movements will be somewhere in between jerky and graceful, or they will be frozen and unable to move at all.

Turn to group B and say:
Close your eyes again, and imagine that jerky  jackhammer bouncing up and down on the pavement. When you have that picture vividly in your mind, nod your head. Now while keeping the image of the jackhammer vividly in your mind, open your eyes a quarter of the way and move gracefully like a seagull.

Again, students will have a tough time making their bodies move counter to the image they are holding in their heads.

This is a very dramatic exercise—one that easily and quickly makes the point that our bodies cannot do anything counter to the images we hold in our minds.

Have the students share anything they noticed about their bodies the second time when they were holding an image counter to how they were trying to move. If any student claims that it was easy to move the second time, ask if both images were equally visualized. Most will admit that they had to let go of one image in order to move like the other image.

Ask them if a friend has ever asked them to do something unusual, and they responded, “I couldn’t do that; it’s not me.” The reason we say that is because we look inside our minds and see if what our friend has asked us to do fits our perception of ourselves. If it doesn’t fit, we don’t think we can do it; so we don’t even attempt it.

Emphasize the following point: The body literally cannot move contrary to a vividly held image. Therefore, in order to change a habit or behavior, we must change our perception to include the new habit or behavior. Otherwise, any changes we make will be difficult and short-lived.

 Print This Post
Posted In: Promoting Responsibility On: May 15, 2009: 12:37 pm: By Marvin Marshall

Dr. James Sutton, a consulting psychologist and authority on oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) and long-time friend, wrote me the following:

Marv, I loved the story about the girl, the newcomer, who refused to make her bed (a story I had previously told). To me, this is about fear of new situations and circumstances, a feeling of being terribly vulnerable, rather than a really deep defiant stand.

I’ve seen it with adults coming into drug and alcohol treatment. When they are terrified of being thrust into a new and semi-threatening situation, their response is almost always one of anger. Although this anger is generally directed at the closest authority figure, it’s not really personal, but it can sure LOOK that way.

Coming down hard on either an adult or child in these circumstances causes them to verify to themselves that their defiance is, indeed, justified. Result: more defiance and more problems—not less.

I still very vividly remember a burly, muscular man coming into drug and alcohol treatment. He walked into his counselor’s office screaming, “I ain’t got no  sheets!” His counselor simply said, “What’s the  matter, really,” and the man broke down and sobbed like a baby. I watched that counselor put his arms around him and hug him like a small child. End of  conflict.

Sometimes we need to get past the sheets.

I responded to Jim:
Your take on the story is really appreciated. It gives reinforcement to the advice I often give teachers, viz., ask the student, “Are you angry at me or the situation?”

Precautionary note:
It is possible for an angry child to say he is angry at the teacher—even when the youngster is not. It sometimes is better not to say much at all to the child who is upset (initially) as ANY requirement of a verbal response might not produce the results desired. When a child (really, anyone) is upset, it is best not to press for too much information.

 Print This Post
Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: May 13, 2009: 10:50 am: By Marvin Marshall